Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A Question of Public Behavior

A while back, I asked for some reader inspiration. Then life got messy again, and I still don't have much opportunity to visit Blogland because my computer is stupid...So I still have a question which had been waiting for a ridiculous amount of time...

This one comes from the, thankfully, patient Downunder Don:

"Hi Lil,
(This question was prompted from an observation last night when my wife and I attended a large public gathering. We both saw a couple where she was wearing a black choker with a small, discrete, but when viewed closely, obvious BDSM symbol attached. Reinforced by Erica Scott’s blog entry today)

What is your public persona as opposed to a private, submissive one. Do you publicly act subserviently to Alpha as opposed to most of us who hide our kink under a bushel."

Sorry for taking forever to get to this!

Hmm...Quite a bit of it depends on where we are and the company we are in. Often, I behave the same in public as at home. Of course, since our children are always home, and are usually with us when we go anywhere, that means I tend to keep it fairly well hidden at home.

I guess I see much of our interactions as normal, so he still gets the final say in public and we are pretty much the same with each other, regardless of where we are. Though, I would imagine that will change rather drastically when the kids aren't with us all of the time.

There are many things that I don't think about in the ways we interact with each other that are perhaps not so "Normal" but they aren't obviously D/s, so people just chalk it up to the way we are and don't pay too much attention. Deferring is one of those things that can be quite subtle.

Overall, my public persona tends to be fairly Dominant, a misconception that he loves perpetrating. In fact, he seems to find it quite amusing to make people think that I'm generally in charge. It's a bit annoying, really...


  1. It really bugs me when my Master makes comments like that too. He does it occasionally when we are with vanilla friends. I think he does it less now than when we were starting out, though. Or maybe we just have more kinky friends than vanilla at this point.

    1. ksst,
      Oh, it bothers me soooooo much!!!

      We've never had kinky friends...And vanillas seem to love the shit out of it...Me? Not so much.

  2. Thanks for the reply Lil.

    My wife and I spend endless hours people watching and I love to see the interactions and imagine what the subtle signs mean. Real life is more entertaining than any TV or movie.

    1. Downunder Don,
      thank you for the inspiration! It is always much appreciated. Sorry it took me so long to spit out a response.

      Oh, people watching can be absolutely fascinating! I often find myself musing about the possibilities of what people are under the public persona's which we find ourselves so securely attached to...

  3. I loved reading the comment especially the part about Alpha making you the dominant in public. Gotta love that guy.

    1. sunnygirl,
      gotta love him...Still wanna kick him sometimes though!

  4. Enjoyed reading this Lil, especially Alpha perpetuating you as the Dominant in public. Our interactions probably don't change much either. As you said, deference can be subtle. Funny, but it sometimes bugs me if we are in a shop or something and Rick says things like "you chose" or "your choice" lol


    1. Roz,
      How come whenever I want to make the choice, it's a no go, but in situations like that when he's all "You choose" I'm like, no, I don't wanna choose!
      Life is confusing...

  5. What a wonderful response to your reader's question. I'm exactly like you in public v. private arenas. Very dominant in public and, well, submissive to my Goddess in private. Like many others, we have our ways of communicating our FLM discretly to each other in public.

    1. sub hub,
      thank you.
      It is always interesting to me, the ways of communication that couples develop over time--both D/s and vanilla.


Play nice.