My life's just one huge upheaval, so I figured that I'd take a moment to complain about other people instead. Sounds fair, right?
We have these friends...Okay, well, her and I are not exactly friends, but I think my reasoning for that will become apparent if you stick with me while I rant.
He's a great person. Loyal, easygoing, awesome father, etc. He made it possible for her to spend years in school for the career she wanted, followed her across the friggin ocean as she chased whims because what she has is never good enough, and based his whole life around what she wanted.
She treats him like shit. She's cool enough to hang out with until she starts talking about him, then...Wow. She talks about him as if he's a lower life form. She talks to him like he's a total idiot who should never have thoughts of his own.
How do you love that? How do you live when only one person's dreams matter? I mean, I know that I chose a relationship where his wants and desires come first, but I am still allowed my dreams. He may piss all over me and treat me like nothing more than the whore at his feet, but at the end of the day, he values me. He values who I am, how I think, my hopes and dreams...
And really, if you're going to talk shit about the person you're with, isn't it best to keep it between the two of you?
I mean, if he tells someone that I don't like tomatoes, I don't see a need to throw a fit and rip him a new one in the middle of that someone's kitchen, about daring to say that because I actually do like tomatoes. It would be simple enough just to say, actually, I would like a piece of tomato this time...
Got sidetracked by examples there...
It seems to be a common issue for me when it comes to forming friendships with other couples--I just have no interest in sitting down and having a complaint fest about the man I married. Wives bitch about their husbands, husbands hide things from their wives, respect seems to go the way of the dinosaurs...Why people choose to stay together when they don't even seem to like each other, is beyond me.
What's wrong with respecting the person you're with? Since when did couples who offer each other common courtesy and respect (which one would think would be a pretty basic relationship requirement) make for being socially unacceptable??
The way we treat each other matters. Why does that seem like such a foreign concept to so many people?
Oh I agree. Sometimes when I sit down with my friends for a coffee (or tea in my case) I wonder why I bother. Some just like to compete in the useless husband competition and I just don't get it or join in.
ReplyDeleteDelFonte,
Deleteit's so odd to me--this whole, "my husband's worse" thing....I just don't get it either....
ooooh this. all of it.
ReplyDeletemc kitten,
Deleteit's weird, right?
These are the very same questions one has asked herself even before entering into this type of relationship. Now it's even more noticeable.
ReplyDeleteWe just don't get these type of couples at all. It is very sad.
dancingbarez,
Deletenice to see you!
Well yes, I always kind of thought that we got together with people because we liked who they were, so the phenomena of seemingly active dislike does boggle me a bit!
I don't even carry out this kind of behaviour with my ex (even if our activities together are limited), let alone in a current relationship. Nor would I want to see it from friends. I think it tells us all we need to know about the beauty of a D/s / M/s dynamic - respect is at the centre of what we do, even if it seems mighty weird at times :D
ReplyDeleteJulie,
Deleteit tends to feel a bit awkward sometimes!
I like to think that weird is relative...
A lot of women I know do this very thing and then get pissed at mewhen I refuse to join the bitch fest. So needless to say I have more men friends then women.
ReplyDeleteAngel Blue,
DeleteHmmm, maybe it's one of those examples of group think gone bad...
I so agree and have no answers....does make one shake her head and wonder.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
abby,
DeleteI know, right?
I totally agree Lil. I have a particular friend who would constantly bitch about her, not surprisingly now ex, husband. Not only that, she would rip into him and downgrade him in public. Just awful and so uncomfortable to be around.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Roz,
Deleteit is extremely uncomfortable to be around, isn't it?
Even before we started our marriage, throughout our marriage and even now, I have never complained about my husband to anyone. Well except here on my blog where I sometimes say more than I should. This woman needs to be taken over his knee till she gets her priorities straight
ReplyDeleteBlondie,
DeleteI know what you mean about the blog, but I also think that it's a bit different than ripping your husband a new one in a room full of his friends!
Yes, she does, but it'll never happen.
Having just moved in with a man for the first time, I find myself falling into this trap, and I'm trying hard not to.
ReplyDeleteLittle things as we work out how to live with each other irk the ever living shit out of me, and though I do speak to Sir about it, sometimes I feel like I need to vent. Usually these things are in the vein of "Things I feel like I shouldn't have to tell a 35 year old man". The way I bring them up to Sir usually arent the way I speak about it to others. Not that I tell EVERYONE things... but sometimes I feel like I need to watch myself, because I don't ever want to give the impression that Sir is useless or incompetent (which is what I think these venting stories do). So I am trying to NOT say anything, or if I do, try to also tell a story about how awesome he is as well.
Lea,
Deleteliving with someone isn't easy, is it?
I do think though, that there is a difference between the inevitable urge to vent about the frustrations of living with another human being, and constantly walking around saying unpleasant and unkind things about them. We can get irked till our toes curl, but that doesn't mean we feel like they are totally useless people, which is the impression this woman gives constantly.
I would definitely have to agree with noticing this situation as well. I even had a friend who was getting married tell me that she hopes her marriage is more like ours than some of her other friend's because of the difference in respect each person has for the other... makes me sad...
ReplyDeleteFoxy Canidae,
Deleteit really is sad--Sometimes I wonder, what's the point...?
I have one friend .. actually I can't say I call her a friend anymore.. so let's say I know someone who treats their husband like he's her puppy. Sad thing is, I'm close with the guy, so it sucks to see it happening.
ReplyDeleteSome people just don't have respect for others, for relationships, or even for themselves.
Kenzie,
Deletefor such a basic courtesy, respect can be a tricky critter, can't it...
I think sometimes that it is because you are supposed to notice what a great person they are to put up with a spouse who does all those lousy things. I think you are supposed to comment on what a saint she/he is and what a martyr. It drives me nuts too!
ReplyDeleteThis is supposed to be the love of your life here...the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with, for goodness sake.
Cygnet,
DeleteOoh, very good point about the whole saint thing. I hadn't thought of ti quite like that, but you're totally right.
And yea, what's wrong with talking nice about the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with? I mean after all, aren't they a reflection on you?