The thing is...Submission? Zilch, zero, nada, nothing, no go, gone, pft.
Empty...
Don't even miss it. Don't want it. Tempted to say I don't need it.
But...
There's something missing...There's a space. A place where something should be, but isn't.
And I think that I could go forever without it...Until the emptiness catches up.
What I want to know, is why does not wanting this:
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Makes me feel a bit like this:
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??????
I occasionally get like that. I figure it is just a bad mood that I will get over soon. Anyway, it doesn't particularly matter what I FEEL at the moment, fact is, I'm still his slave then too. Just that little reminder to myself sometimes helps. I don't know what to tell you if this is going on for a long time? Is it too long to be just a mood?
ReplyDeleteksst,
Delete"Anyway, it doesn't particularly matter what I FEEL at the moment, fact is, I'm still his slave then too."
Well said oh well said! I needed to hear that.
It's been going on for so long, I started to believe that it wasn't just a mood. But, intrinsically, I am who I am. And the craziness of life isn't going to change that--just makes it harder to see/accept sometimes.
(((hugs))) I think I remember you posting something similar before, back in the archives, so maybe there's a way back from it?
ReplyDeletemc kitten,
Deleteas much as I tend to doubt it in the moment, there's always a way back. Even if it's not always a pleasant ride.
Maybe a little time will help you to figure out what you need. Your true self will come out and then, well I will bet that you need someone who knows you better than you know yourself. It's okay to independent but it is even better when you can let someone else be in control and take of you
ReplyDeleteBlondie,
Deleteso so true.
Sending good energy...clarity...time and space to figure it out...
ReplyDeleteThe Wife,
Deletethank you. Your kind thoughts are much appreciated.
sounds like a rut to me, a very deep rut. Maybe what you need to do is just push yourself back into it?? Go pee in the cup, update the book, and make his favorite dinner, or something. Just do 'something' submissive-like, even if you don't feel like it.
ReplyDeleteI also think you should give yourself a break, you have a lot going on! Falling into that "I'm inadequate" state will not help anything...at least it doesn't help me, pushes me the other way in fact.
I'm here if you need an ear.
Great advice! Go do something submissive like. Push yourself through it. Do it for a week. Then re-evaluate how you feel.
DeleteMisty,
Deletesheesh, look at you making all kinds of sense and stuff!
You are quite right. Thank you.
@His slut,
it is good advice, isn't it? Dammit!
I felt like this and your earlier post "A Willful Disregard of Sense, or, Who's Really in Charge Around Here?" helped me reassess and work myself out of that rut. Sometimes, a thought or a perspective change is needed and that is often hard. But once it clicks, it will get better... sorry if that just sounded like rambling... :-)
ReplyDeleteFoxy Canidae,
DeleteIt is difficult to change one's perspective when all one can see and think about is the craziness of life and how to drag through!
It didn't just sound like rambling--it made sense! Thank you.
(((Hugs))) Lil, some great comments above. I agree with Misty and HS.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Roz,
Deletethey did make terribly valid points...
Just let go - live with what your heart tells you, not your head. See what happens - that is your true path. I think you might be surprised if you just allow yourself to get out of your own way. I know I always am.
ReplyDeletesunnygirl,
Deletewhat is with you ladies and the brilliant advice?
True, true...
Because we have been there, most of us! And this is what our fellow subs/slaves told us, and then we tell you. Then when I get like this some day, if I even have the courage to post it, you can repeat all this back to me. We are just passing the mentor hat around depending on whose turn it is!
DeleteKsst,
DeleteI will ignore the recent doubts which have been raised regarding your mentoring. Ahem. Jk.
:)