Alright, back to habitual behaviors which are probably not desirable. Oh hell, who am I kidding, "probably not desirable" doesn't even come close lol. Anyways...
I have been accused of being unnecessarily critical and consistently being one of those people who is always second guessing someone, specifically, Alpha. Hmm...Go figure--He was the one who said it.
I think that being excessively critical has something to do with having high standards (I don't see my standards as a problem), and a need to try and create perfection by fixing something that may or may not go/be wrong. The latter combined with my somewhat reasonable approach are habitual behaviors that get me into real trouble.
The thing is...I seem to have developed this unreasonable desire to please Alpha. I mean, self improvement is a real bitch and it's rarely pretty when you take a long hard look at what needs improving.
And the desire to be better with no particular prodding regarding the offending behavior? Well, that's just not right.
It's odd you know...I used to have this desire to be pleased, and hey, I still like it, but I'm not attached to it in the way I was. Well, that's not quite right, maybe what I define as that which pleases me has simply begun to change.
Maybe it's a need for approval...Yes, that's it. And approval is much more self-serving isn't it?
The dictionary defines approval as:
|1.||the act of approving|
|2.||formal agreement; sanction|
|3.||a favorable opinion; commendation|
1. to give satisfaction, pleasure, or contentment to (a person); make or cause (a person) to be glad
4. pleased with happy because of
Hmmm, maybe I like that pleasing Him gets me approval? So while they aren't one and the same, they are closely connected? Then again, knowing that He is happy because of me is a wonderful feeling...
In my defense on the second guessing front, I really am usually right lol. I think the difference come in the approach. You know, being helpful or just critical.
And then there is always the question of does it really matter? I mean, is it one of those things that isn't going to make a drastic difference one way or another, in which case it's probably just best to keep my mouth shut, or one of those circumstances where going the wrong way is going to screw up everything.
Maybe I just need to be more discerning...
I suppose that it wouldn't hurt to bite my tongue upon occasion...not unbearably anyways.