That space He keeps for me in His heart, that place I sit at his feet--it's mine. Yea, yea, I know who's gonna fuck whoever they want, who owns who, and who's in charge around here, and that it's not me. Holy shit, to many repeats of one word...I may have had a bit too much coffee...
But that place at His feet, my rightful place, that particular look in His eyes--I know that it's mine. And mine alone. My place is serving Him (let's just go ahead and forget for the moment that I really suck at service). When I'm off kilter, one step out of my place, that connection and intimacy we have is muted. My jealous tendencies rise to the surface, and we are not in sync like we should be.
And I crave that connection. It is possible to live and love without it, but once you have had it, I don't think that there's any going happily back to the way things used to be. It's that intimacy created by ttwd, the births of our children, the deaths of our loved ones, that I crave so deeply. It is most often solidified by the expression of D/s.
It can be kind of scary, when your body is at the mercy of another, your mind malleable, your soul exposed. That closeness in which nothing can remain hidden and all things hidden see the light of His eyes. Because perfection in humanity is a myth (of course, that minor little fact isn't going to keep me from striving for it lol). And when someone else's opinion becomes so valued, it's hard to expose the scars, show the imperfections, accept the mistakes. But there, in the moment, is where imperfection has a beauty of it's own. Because to be seen clearly through and through, yet still be loved for what you are, is an incredible experience.
I have stepped outside of my place over the last couple of weeks and Alpha asked me to come back because He misses me and doesn't like it when I'm here yet far away.
But it's my rightful place. That space He holds just for me. And as much as I am His and I need Him, He is mine and He needs me too. Individually we are strong, together we are unconquerable.
That place at His feet and that look in His eyes? That is mine for all time.