A comment that Michael left on my last post got me to thinking. I'm pretty sure that I have wandered quite far from the original intent of the comment, but inspiration can be funny like that.
I have said before that energy is everything, and everything is ultimately about energy. As much as my views seem to change and collide over time, I still believe this one to be true.
I think that, for the most part, we all tend to walk on a fine line between El Mundo Bueno and El Mundo Malo (The Good Reality and The Bad Reality). That fine line avoids extremes of good and bad events, and provides life with a sense of balance.
Sometimes we fall into a Good Reality, where the extremes are good. Pain is good, pleasure is good, tears are a release--not a torment. Outcomes are as we wish them to be.
Other times, we fall into a Bad Reality, and the extremes are bad. Anything that can go wrong will, pain is bad, pleasure is warped, tears are no more than an expression of misery.
And we adapt to viewing events with the notion that they will inevitably become as terrible as they possibly can.
I believe that the difference between these realities is about the energy in them.
For me, S/m isn't really about pain, sex isn't just about pleasure, and D/s isn't all about physical control.
These things are about energy exchanges and the realities that we create within those exchanges.
I have been injured, I have been raped, I have lacked control in situations wherein I desperately needed to have control. Those were not good experiences.
But Alpha can hurt me, he can force me, he can take away all semblances of my control.
And those are some of the most amazing experiences of my life.
The simplest difference of those very complex subjects? The first set of events is a Bad Reality. The second set of events is a Good Reality.
Disassociation is about an extreme place on the fine line between realities. It's a place of non-feeling, non-energy...Nothingness of mind.
It is not a place that I am fond of, but it is one that I used to be very good at getting to. Sometimes I still fight not to go there--old habits are hard to break. And sometimes it is only Alpha's extreme dislike of that place which keeps me out of it.
The more time you spend together, and the more you explore, the stronger resonances with each other become.
A look creates a physical reaction, a sound creates a feeling, an expressed thought creates a mental state.
As different as they can be, all of those experiences have one thing in common--energy.
As much as I want him to fuck my body, I need him to fuck my mind. I need the connection that energy exchange provides.
Energy makes the mindfuck possible (we'll ignore for the moment, that people often seem to find me by searching for the term "Mindfuck" and usually what I meant was not at all what they were looking for).
Really, it's all about a looping exchange of energy--power exchange is energy exchange, the give and take of pain is energy exchange, surrender and control are about energy exchange.
It's about the beasts within, which ones we choose to feed, and how we choose to sate their hunger.
And we try to do it all in a way that will allow us to spend more time in El Mundo Bueno.