The Downward Spiral

I feel like we never really bounced all of the way back from that couple of months I spent with my mom. Well, I never really bounced back. I went through  period of intensely craving structure, control, that overwhelming feeling of being owned...Then life set in.
Things just kept getting busier and crazier, he didn't have time, or energy, or...Then I got busy too, really busy, and we were both working until midnight, and all day on his days off...

We've been here before, I think most of us have. Life has it cycles of ups and downs, and so does D/s. It's just...This time, it's been a really long time. And if all goes well, things won't be calming down anytime soon, quite the opposite, in fact.

Our D/s is intrinsically wrapped up in sex. I have no sex drive. Zilch, zero, nada (you get the picture). Since, oh, April? Whether or not I feel sexy has a lot to do with my sex drive, and I've moved way past the sexy librarian stage onto, "I'm gonna live paperwork in my pj's" (not the sexy kind either. The paperwork or the pj's).

My desire to be controlled also seems to have gone the way of the dinosaurs. I don't want to be that woman who doesn't submit because she needs to feel Dominated to do so. I don't want to have the, "Well, if your not gonna_____, then I'm not gonna_____." approach to ttwd. I think it's a crappy, selfish approach that minimizes the depths of submission. Maybe I'm just not there yet (slow learner and all).

It's hard to climb up out of a downward spiral when one seems to have completely lost the desire to do so though...