On a completely unrelated note, am I the only person Blogger has erroneously decided isn't actually following any blogs, or is it being a bitch to everyone else too?
So, I have once again been indulging in that dangerous pastime known as thinking. Terrible habit, I know.
There are decisions and life choices which he simply refuses to make me go one way or the other. He says that they are choices I have to make for myself, yet he will often come to the point of expressing a preference one way or another.
Herein lies the conundrum of that approach--since integrating D/s so thoroughly into our lives, I have never made one of those big decisions in favor of the direction he wasn't promoting.
I always ultimately feel compelled to follow his wishes, even if he refuses to phrase them as orders. Only, however, after lengthy self-torment about making the right decision.
I have a work decision to make. It's becoming an obsession, even though time isn't really pressing at the moment.
He clearly wants me to take path A, but won't tell me to do so.
It is becoming painfully obvious through all my obsessing, that I will eventfully take the path he desires. Yet....I still have to obsess about the decision, even having a deep sense of where I will eventually end up.
Why do I always have to take the long and angsty track to everything? It's an annoying trait.
Yet, if I were to tell him today that I choose path A, he would be noncommittal. He would question why I made the choice I did, and insist that I be absolutely sure. Because, yea...He knows how I am. Queen of indecision here.
He can spend day in and day out telling me that I have to make the choice myself, but I don't know that I'm even capable of going against the direction he wants anymore...
Odd that someone so far in could still wake up one morning and think that it's a good idea to say "No". Though, I have a feeling that's going to bite me in the ass tomorrow morning. Perhaps quite literally...