The thing is...
For him, computer games are what makes his head stop spinning. They're how he blocks out the world, and makes everything go away for a moment in time. Or sex, sex does it for him.
For me? The only thing that seems to do that for me, is his Domination. Honestly, I wish it weren't so, but I have yet to find a valid and acceptable substitute. Sex doesn't do it. In fact, it becomes slightly less appealing because my brain is, well, it's still rehashing today, yesterday, the needs of tomorrow, and the possibilities of next month. That's not hot.
Sometimes I do ask. And I know that my asking does not create an obligation for him to give. That is not our arrangement.
I try to escape, it's a revolving door that I find myself walking through monthly.
Then the yearning sets in. The obsession. The knowledge that I still haven't quite learned the silly lesson...
I will always come crawling back begging for what I need.
Sometimes though, what makes the world vanish for me, is work for him.
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