Okay, so I should really be working, but the house is clean and the kids are happy so it will still be there later. I have been thinking a lot today. Now that my brain no longer feels on the verge of explosion. I've been thinking about how others view ttwd.
I'm not big on friends. They always seem to screw you over so I figure, whats the point? Anyways, I have a friend (I know, singular. I'm only open to having one person at a time screw me over lol) her husband is M's friend and when we move they will be working together so we will all be spending a fair amount of time with each other. Putting aside for the moment, that I am ridiculously pissed at them because I feel the "screwing over" beginning already, I wonder why so many women view submission as such a bad thing? This friend (still not sure about how real of a friend, I guess time will tell), is all about ahem, "pussy power" (just typing it makes me feel like someone is running nails across a chalkboard lol), she's pretty controlling and generally has no respect for her husband whatsoever. Now, let me clarify something before some random person comes along and gets offended. I am well aware that there are male submissives and female Dominants. That is their dynamic, it makes them happy, more power to them. This is in no way intended to be a jab at such couples. Back to my point. They don't have a D/s dynamic, it's more of a power struggle that lacks respect, listening, and understanding. Anyhow, she seems to be of the opinion that any woman who is even remotely submissive to her husband is somehow less of a woman, a weaker thread so to speak (mind you, she doesn't complain when I make the coffee because M is tired of hearing her and her husband bicker about who will). And I wonder how people got to this viewpoint? The one where Dominant males are simply abusive brainless monsters, and submissive women are nothing more than abused mindless weaklings. It seems so incredibly ironic to me because so many women are genuinely attracted to men with Dominant character, and so many men appear to have the fantasy of a submissive woman. Never mind the fact that both groups tend to lack the ability to understand and deal with either. As a fantasy it's fine, as a reality it's wrong and only sick twisted people do it. Ummm, huh? Excuse me, but as long as it's consensual (which requires individuals be old enough to offer that consent. Something I feel very strongly about as an abuse survivor), I don't really care what anyone does in their relationship and bedroom! After all, it's none of my business and who am I to judge. Now if others could just refrain from the judgement themselves...
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that being Dominant or submissive doesn't make you less or more, better or worse. It just is. I fail to see how such an apparently wide-spread fantasy can, at the same time, be viewed as so wrong and bad.
In a funny way, submission has helped me learn so much about myself and made me a more confidant person. I think I may always struggle with self-esteem issues, but I like to think life is about evolving and growing and it's all just the beginning of growth until it's over. And hopefully, that's just another kind of beginning in itself.
Optimism aside lol, I just found out that my sister won't be working with me after we move so my workload will be insane. I wouldn't mind so much if it was actually something I enjoyed, but it isn't and there will be way more than I can possibly handle on my own, no matter what kind of hours I put in. See what happens when I'm too optimistic about life?! It straightens me out and makes sure the cynical pessimist in me is still alive and kicking lol.