Saturday, November 13, 2010

bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

I almost got fired this week. Still not sure it isn't coming so i started looking for another job today. i am actually rather pissed off about the whole thing, i must say. My kid had the gall to call me lazy the other day; in addition to that, i had to watch my mom's house by myself for the week. i really wasn't ready to stay there alone. it's the first time i have watched the house since my dad died and i just didn't want to spend that much time alone there. So, i decided to take the boy to work with me. i wouldn't be alone, and he could get a dose of reality seeing how i work my ass off at a shitty job. Yea, he was great. He worked his tail off with me, didn't speak unless spoken to, and was as close to friggin angelic as a kid can get. On the second night, my boss called me in and read me the riot act in a very nice voice and aggravatingly passive aggressive manner. "We didn't discuss him being here, what were you thinking, this is very unlike you! I don't want to be the bad guy so I'm not going to tell you you have to drive 3 hours in the morning to take him home and come back to work, but you just do what you think is best." Yea, i was thinking it would be a good lesson for my kid, i didn't want to be alone in my dead father's house, and my boss sleeps all day so would only have to be around the kid for a couple of hours. And yes actually, it is soooo like me to haul my kid to work. It's cleaning and running errands, not building rockets. i am sick to death of this man and the job. It's a service oriented job for a hypochondriac with medical problems who's to lazy to put on his own shoes or go to the bathroom to take a piss at night. i don't mind hard work and gross work isn't really a big deal to me. i get paid decent and i do a damn good job. More and more though, it feels like some kind of service, not a job i get to leave when i come home (i take all his calls at home, so i am basically working whenever the damn phone rings). i have a big problem with feeling like i'm serving not being employed. For one thing, in my mind, service is given to the strong, not the weak and pathetic. For two, the only person i am even remotely interested in serving the least little bit is M, the rest of the world can go fuck themselves. i don't mind being the maid. i have major issues with feeling like a servant.
Unfortunately, i have shit for qualifications and it's not easy to find another job that will pay me $12 an hour. i know lol, i have been looking.
To top it all off, i have been away from M most of the week, and now that i'm home (have to go back tomorrow unfortunately), M is busy working around the house and getting stuff done that He couldn't do during the week because He had the little one. i just wanted to come home and curl up at His feet, rest secure in the knowledge that He is the only man i will ever serve. To be where i belong.
hmmm, venting/pity party over lol. Dinner won't cook itself. On the bright side, i do feel slightly better now.

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