Yesterday was rough

i had a rough day yesterday. Seemed like i just kept falling on my face on all fronts. First there was my encounter with the other sub. i felt like i disapointed M in my handling of it. We talked this morning though and M pointed out that she had inquired about the position, so if i scared her off with a little fantasy, and she has other things going on at home, i didn't really fuck anything up.
i can't cum without my clit. Never have. i also don't squirt or have multiple orgasms (three's a record for me). All things M wants me to achieve and started working on last night. With the plan of eventually working on me cumming on command without physical stimulation. i do cum on command now, it's nearly impossible for me to cum without the command, but i'm light years away from even being able to without stimulating my clit so i dunno if i'll ever get there. Anyways, i failed miserably last night. He was really sweet about it. He told me it wasn't my place to judge failure or success and that all He cares about is that i did my best. He doesn't expect these things to happen overnight. Still, i felt like one long string of letdowns.
On a different note, how hard can it be to find a sub who wants to play with an attractive Dominant who is good at what He does?? i mean, really! Maybe it's me...