i am falling back into my overwhelming fear and worry about M. We have become so deeply entwined and His health is less than perfect, i just can't seem to let it go. i used to worry about the physical stuff of being alone, bills, kids, life shit. Now, i'm just terribly afraid to exist without Him. He is my shelter from the world, my lover, my rock, my shoulder to lean on, my blanket to hide under. i couldn't be without Him and i can't let go of the fear that something will happen to Him and i will have to. It's eating me up and i really just wish i could get over it, take life one day at a time, and sink into that feeling of everything is as it was meant to be. But i can't.
i exist on my knees to please.
Living and being for Him is who i was meant to be
my place is at His feet
and He is all i need.