Wednesday, July 2, 2014



Most sane people would tell you that fear has no place in relationships. But I think that is a pretty limited view. Even in happy vanilla arrangements, there is fear--we just don't think of it the same, it's not accepted and acknowledged. Any relationship in which there is love, there is also going to be varying amounts of fear in different forms.

It took me a long time to be able to admit that fear turns me on. If I had a top ten list of kinks, fear would figure prominently towards the top.

Know what else turns me on? Feeling safe. And when the two sensations collide...Oh Yessss.

Why do I like big sharp knives so much? It's not just the pain, oh no--it's the knowledge that one little slip...

People will tell you that fear in relationships is unhealthy, yet all relationships are fraught with some kind of fear--fear of loss, fear of what ifs, fear of what someone might think of us, fear of being lied to, fear of getting caught lying, and the list goes on. Hell, fear of being alone is what kept half of the people I've known together.

Maybe I'm a twisted kitten, but I like my dose of D/s fear. It's not about the things that no one has control over, it's about the events that he has control over. It is the fear of bodily harm and the knowledge that he alone controls it, which gets me off.

Scare me, terrify me, terrorize me, be the instigator of my suffering and the savior of my traumatized self, and I will melt for you.

Ultimately, I carry the awareness that he is an intelligent man who loves me and has my best interests at heart. Yet...Sometimes he makes me forget, reminds me that all things are possible, restricted only by the realm of that possibility.

I have occasionally been accused of encouraging abusive relationships. In those moments I am reminded of thing1's abusive bf's, and my sincere intentions of shooting them if they showed up on my doorstep and tried to take her...
I don't encourage the mindless entrance into, or acceptance of abusive relationships.
I do think that it's important to acknowledge that humans are multifaceted creatures with various, and sometimes twisted needs and desires.
Much like my openness about sex did not make me the slut I was categorized as a teenager, my admission of twisted desires does not mean that I am all that different from many other people--it just means that I'm honest (or crazy) enough to say how I really feel.

Oh yes, give me a good dose of fear and rescue me from myself and I will be on my knees begging to please.


  1. Oh, why? Why did you have to go on about the knifes? Gods, I miss the sharps, miss them very badly.
    When it comes to emotions, in general, people are pretty quick to say not to feel them at all, though I guess fear is a much more marked example--a more decidedly emotion that's tangible.
    Fear, has it's place. I wonder if I would be able to submit so completely if that tinge of fear -that often collides with safety--wasn't there. Hmm.

    1. Bleuame,
      Sorry! If it makes it any better, I haven't seen a knife I wasn't using on vegetables in some time either.
      I think you're right about fear and tangibility. For the most part, we tend to concentrate on the bad aspects of fear, very rarely do notice when it is beneficial...

  2. Absolutely love what you wrote. It is honest and truthful. Most of what you wrote could fit me too. Beautifl

  3. Great post Lil and well said. Like what you said about there being degrees of fear in any relationship. So true!


  4. Great writing as usual. I thought about this and there is nothing I fear in my relationship with Ray - don't know if that's good or bad. Now life, that's a different story.

    1. Sunnygirl,
      Life can be downright terrifying. And not always in a good way.

  5. Fear and me are old friends, and we do get along, mostly. I think fear isn't all that bad. I mean, fear of losing someone helps us to appreciate what relationship we have with them. As far as fear in D/s, we've done breath play, which is scary, but he is very careful. And, holy cow, do I love breath play.

    "Scare me, terrify me, terrorize me, be the instigator of my suffering and the savior of my traumatized self, and I will melt for you." Oh! I love this!

    1. Misty,
      I think that fear is rather similar to love in that it can feel like the most awful thing ever, or be a positive experience that reinforces our appreciation for what we have. Guess that's all dependent on what the fear is of and why...

      Glad you liked that sentence! I kinda flailed at the whole "graceful wording" bit.


Play nice.