It took me a long time to be able to admit that fear turns me on. If I had a top ten list of kinks, fear would figure prominently towards the top.
Know what else turns me on? Feeling safe. And when the two sensations collide...Oh Yessss.
Why do I like big sharp knives so much? It's not just the pain, oh no--it's the knowledge that one little slip...
People will tell you that fear in relationships is unhealthy, yet all relationships are fraught with some kind of fear--fear of loss, fear of what ifs, fear of what someone might think of us, fear of being lied to, fear of getting caught lying, and the list goes on. Hell, fear of being alone is what kept half of the people I've known together.
Maybe I'm a twisted kitten, but I like my dose of D/s fear. It's not about the things that no one has control over, it's about the events that he has control over. It is the fear of bodily harm and the knowledge that he alone controls it, which gets me off.
Scare me, terrify me, terrorize me, be the instigator of my suffering and the savior of my traumatized self, and I will melt for you.
Ultimately, I carry the awareness that he is an intelligent man who loves me and has my best interests at heart. Yet...Sometimes he makes me forget, reminds me that all things are possible, restricted only by the realm of that possibility.
I have occasionally been accused of encouraging abusive relationships. In those moments I am reminded of thing1's abusive bf's, and my sincere intentions of shooting them if they showed up on my doorstep and tried to take her...
I don't encourage the mindless entrance into, or acceptance of abusive relationships.
I do think that it's important to acknowledge that humans are multifaceted creatures with various, and sometimes twisted needs and desires.
Much like my openness about sex did not make me the slut I was categorized as a teenager, my admission of twisted desires does not mean that I am all that different from many other people--it just means that I'm honest (or crazy) enough to say how I really feel.
Oh yes, give me a good dose of fear and rescue me from myself and I will be on my knees begging to please.