It's something that I have worked hard on over the years. Of course, there is evidence, (in print no less) that demonstrates numerous failings of my efforts at graceful acceptance.
He looked so totally overwhelmed this morning, that I felt kind of bad for getting so frustrated yesterday. On the bright side, I let all my frustrations out on the blog, not him. That counts for something, right?
Though, I have always felt that there's this fine line between displaying real feelings, and public disrespect. Of course, there's not really a whole lot of options for venting, you know. I can't exactly call my mom up and complain about this whole slave thing and his procrastination...That would go over super well.
Sometimes I find it odd, the circumstances in which I find myself able and not able to display graceful acceptance. In the beginning, I thought it would be the kinky stuff, the stuff that had to do with my body. Rules about what I wore, where I went, who I talked to...
Silly, silly girl.
Very rarely is it ever any of those things. It's usually the nitty gritty day-to-day life stuff. It's the sick kids, the work schedule, procrastination and demand, checking the mail and paying the bills. It's having to help him with work, always on his schedule regardless of mine, because it's his work. It's those moments when I disagree with the decisions he makes.
Graceful acceptance, it's a beautiful thing. I strive for it, practice it as best I can, and so often fall short. I think it's an important ability for a slave to have. Even now though, after all these years, I still struggle with my search for grace.