Okay, so it's possible i have a post floating around my blog with this same thread of thought, but oh well lol.
i have been thinking about D/s and how love fits into the dynamic. i read somewhere once, that love interferes with a Dominants ability to be successful. Such as not wanting to hand out an earned punishment, use a sub for their own wants, etc. In the beginning of our shift to D/s, i wondered if what i had read was true. Now, exploring the abyss, i realize that i could be Dominated without love, but i could not completely surrender myself. . Because i love Him and He is true, i trust Him. Because He loves me, He won't do anything that will irreparably damage me. He see's the difference between what i want and what i need. The two are not mutually exclusive and what i need is far more important to Him than what i want (yea, the wanty me complains a lot lol). Because He loves me, i trust Him more. Love inspires me to do my best, to strive not to disappoint, to be the best submissive i can for Him. Love and trust allow me to fear an event, but not M Himself.
D/s has deepened our love, enhanced our trust, and inspired our relationship to travel to new heights. Without the love we already had for each other, i would have always been to afraid to take the first step on this path. i would have never known this vast range of emotions, sensations, and mind-altering events that i have experienced with M. Being head over heels in love, and at the same time owned, scares the shit out of me. After 12 years, it still scares the shit out of me. Even more so now because i feel so completely dependent on Him. i used to feel financially dependent on Him but that's not what i'm talking about. More like depending on someone for your sanity, your happiness, stability in fumbling through life, the security of your being. He's what keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night, He's who keeps me from telling the people who piss me off to go die and picking up a baseball bat (yes, i am that mean natured and volatile at heart), He's what keeps me from being an out and out whore, He is my shelter from the world. And this world can be a cold, cruel, and painful place.
i am grateful for the love in our D/s. And i am forever grateful to M for being who He is and giving me what i need; regardless of what i think i want.