Sunday, December 12, 2010

Today, better than yesterday

It's amazing what a couple of days off in a row spent with M can do for me. i feel like a completely different human being than the one that wrote my last post. Well, i had deeply disturbing dreams, but i'm not giving them access to reality by writing about them lol.
There is something about simply just being used that satiates my internal unrest. The act of surrendering to His will and sinking into the feeling of being owned has a way of making everything else fade away. Today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be whatever it is.
M and i have been talking about my job. He's getting irritated with it because He feels i am doing a lot of stuff that simply isn't in my job description. Right now, my boss is wanting to dictate a letter to me then have me sign MY name to it and send it to one of his doctors. Now, i don't have a problem taking dictations, and i don't really have a problem if he wants me to write a letter on his behalf. i do have a problem signing my name to something i was not allowed to write. M and i were talking about it and He said, "you don't have to do everything he wants. If something makes you feel bad, just don't do it." i like his advice, it's just easier to follow when one doesn't desperately need the job lol.
M went out to run errands yesterday and left me doing some work for Him. i looked around the house and couldn't help myself. It feels like ages since i had the opportunity to clean it in anticipation of His return and have a hot dinner on the table when He got home (as a result, i have work to finish this morning, but that's okay). As i was making M a plate, i realized how very much i miss being of service in His house. Our dynamic was shaped over time, but, in the past, even before we became D/s, i always cleaned and prepared dinner for Him. Now i spend all week doing it for someone else. It's creating an internal conflict that i am having a difficult time reconciling with. i don't have a problem being out working. i just have a hard time doing things for someone else that i have always reserved for M. i miss the days when M was the only person on earth who told me what to do lol.

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