Sunday, December 26, 2010


I woke up this morning with that annoying feeling of a head cold settling in. i am scheduled to work tomorrow and as there are no other attendants not on holiday, i can't just have someone cover my shift for me (it's against my bosses "rules" to show up sick. Though i'm 99% sure i got it from him anyways). i'll have to get over it by tomorrow lol.
M has been absolutely miserable this last couple of weeks. He has a broken tooth, no painkillers, and the dentist rescheduled Him twice into January. It's kind of odd how different things are now from before we were D/s. Before, His pain and/or sickness incurred what i assume are fairly standard feelings--sympathy, compassion for His suffering, wishing i could make it better, etc. Now it's all those things and something else that is difficult to put into words but is much harder to cope with. It's a feeling almost like my personal world is out of wack. Like things are not as they should be and are out of His control which is much more disconcerting than when things are out of my control lol.
M let me sleep all night (that's an awesome event when you are living off four hours of sleep and have a 2 year old that wakes up every hour). It's amazing how, once you have children, the most sweet and romantic thing in the world is having a husband who is willing to sleep on the couch so you can drool uninterrupted on your own pillow all night. i often kind of wish that we had discovered our dynamic before we had children just because of the vast range of experiences and possibilities that cannot be indulged with little people always running around. At the same time though, i was a different person and so was my body. i doubt i could have handled it on any level. Ironically, His Dominant tendencies were what attracted me most to Him in the first place (though being over six feet tall and gorgeous didn't hurt lol). The thing is, as He points out, i wanted Him but had absolutely NO idea what to do with Him ( i was fifteen, cut me a little slack. He doesn't).
i'm not sure why i am thinking about all of this today. Maybe it's because life is so different now than it was this time last year. It's amazing and disturbing how much your life can change over the course of one year. Plans are made and change, children grow, loved ones die, relationships evolve. This has been one hell of a year and i sure hope the one to come is a lot smoother.
In the end, all i know is that i love Him more now than ever before and life is to precious and short just to let it pass you by.

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