Friday, October 21, 2011


I was musing to myself about pain last night. Specifically the different kinds and their effects.

Pain and the way we process it is an individual experience.

I once read something that said the difference between a pain slut and a masochist is that the pain slut wants pain because she gets off on it. The masochist needs pain but doesn't  want it as much. (I'm paraphrasing here. I would link to it if I could remember where the hell I read it. It was much more eloquently put and made a lot more sense).

Maybe I am a masochist after all...

Anyways, pain takes multiple forms and since it is such an individual experience, I believe those forms vary for everyone. And my love of categorization naturally led me to create the following list lol.

Growing pains--When events happen in life that make you feel emotional pain to your core but also present an opportunity for personal growth.

Bad pain--like burning yourself on the oven or smacking the side of your head on a sharp corner (was a great way to wake up this morning. They all seem to think I'm mean now).

Pleasurable pain--the kind that hurts but it's oh so fucking good because it makes you fly.

Cleansing pain--It's the kind I love to hate and it's also the pain I crave most. Ironic since I will go to great lengths to avoid it because this kind of pain isn't really enjoyable.
It's almost bad pain because it comes without pleasure. But the feeling afterwards is incredible.
Like a form of redemption, this is the pain that strips away all sins, crimes committed by and to oneself, and takes you to that place where everything external no longer matters.


  1. I hadn't thought of it as cleansing pain, but I think maybe you are right.

  2. Good descriptions :)
    One that always surprises me is something I can't really think of a name for, but the pain He wants, maybe you don't...pain you can take, but would prefer not to. Pain you don't enjoy, but enjoy deep down because He enjoys giving it.

    Endured pain? I

  3. Lil, is the difference between bad pain and cleansing pain just the source it comes from? I know I'm reading between the lines, but I expect that the cleansing pain is given by Alpha, whereas the bad pain you describe comes from accidents, etc. If you and Alpha decided to experiment with fire play and he burned you in an equivalent way to being burned on the oven, would the pain fall into the cleansing or the bad category?

    And while I'm asking questions, can I ask one more? What makes the difference between when pain is pleasurable or not? Is it the type of pain, or the situation in which it occurs, or amount of pain, or the mood you are in?

    Uh oh...that's more than just one more question. Sorry! This is simply an interesting topic to me, and one I don't have much personal insight into.

    Thanks, as always, for an interesting post!

  4. Oh - you nailed it. I like that word...redemption. It is endlessly surprising to me, well - first off that i look at pain this way at all, but that something so elemental can be so incredibly complex.

  5. sin, it's the best description I could think of for the feeling that comes afterwards...

    agog, maybe it's a cross between pleaurable pain and cleansing pain with endurance thrown in? Good point.

    Jake, Okay, my response should probably e a post of it's own lol. But here goes.
    Yes, I think the source is 95% of the resulting feeling. Now, things like being burnt is where it gets a it tricky for me. For one, I scar terribly so I doubt that is a realm we would delve into at all.
    Then there's the little fact that my getting off on pain is what gets Alpha off and vice versa. Kind of like a symbiotic circle if that makes any sense. Though in theory, pain that I didn't enjoy would fall into the cleasning category coming from Him and serving some sort of purpose.
    The difference between pleasurable pain and non-pleasurable pain...I think it is all of those things you mentioned. How turned on and wanting to please I am makes a huge difference in my perception of pain. So situation and mood are huge for me.
    Hope I answered your questions in a semi-understandable way lol.

    gg, you have this way of making comments that I want to steal and insert into my post lol.
    It is terribly complex isn't it? For something that is such a basic and simple part of human existence.

  6. Thanks, lil...I appreciate the insight, and that you took the time to answer so many questions!

  7. Yes, the cleansing pain is a good, but not desirable, desirable thing. Yes, so why is that? Oh I don't works!!!

    Cool post., the crappy tylenol does not come with midol. I just have to suffer.


  8. Your explaination of the cleansing pain really has me thinking...


Play nice.