Wednesday, August 1, 2012


 Not maintenance in the form of spanking. Those only happen because he can or wants to remind me that behaving is better than not behaving. No, that's not the kind of maintenance I need.

The kind of maintenance that reminds me he hasn't tired of our love.

There hasn't been a whole lot of Dominance and submission going on around here lately. I haven't been feeling well, fences with thing2 are badly damaged due to the broken fences with thing1, finances have been in less than stellar condition, in two weeks it will be two years since my father died, etc.
You get the picture. Life happens lol.

And there's something about our life that Alpha's fundamentally unhappy or unsatisfied with. When he figures out exactly what it is, I'll be the first to know.
The biggest problem I have surrounding this issue (besides the fact that I want him to be happy), is that I don't appear to be part of the solution. Not that he's running off to Mexico with a blonde or anything like that, it's just that nothing I do or don't do seems to make anything better.

But this isn't a whining rant. Really it's not!

He used to bring me flowers. I would tell him not to, and he'd do it anyways. Though for the most part, he switched to chocolate because well, chocolate is chocolate!

One mortgage, two kids, several generations of dogs, multiple family upheavals of epic proportions, fourteen years later, and I honestly couldn't tell you the last time he brought me flowers.

And you know what? I started to miss them. Yep, the woman who repeatedly used to say that flowers were nice, but not nice enough to spend money on.

Yesterday he brought me roses. And a card. Out of the blue, for no apparent reason.

Roses really are my favorite flower. And I think I like these more than any I have ever seen lol. And a written proclamation of eternal love and appreciation? Well that's a hard combination not to fall for.

And yes, the roses will whither and die because that's what flowers do. But the way I felt myself light up when I saw them? That's going to last long after they're gone.

On a not completely unrelated note, he used my mouth to cum last night. Then I asked to make myself cum afterwards and asked him if he knew when it was that I had done it last, he said "no, do you remember?". The truth is, I don't. A year? Two years? I'm not sure I even can any more...
He chuckled, rolled over and said, "fine go for it. but I'm not telling you when to cum!" Oh...."Ummm, please? That's really not fair you know. Okaay...I'm sure if I imagine it enough, that will work just fine for me!" I really wasn't sure, but you know, I figured it was worth a go.

Yea...He got tired of waiting for me to tear my clit off in desperation and decided to use me until he came again. And he told me to. So I got to cum too.
So the jury is still out as to whether or not I can actually still make myself cum. But I'm okay with that.

I say give me the roses and bring on the thorns.

Roses, a written proclamation of eternal love followed by some rough use and undeniable proof that I belong to him? Oh yes. That's the kind of maintenance I need.


  1. Ah that's lovely, I love flowers :) and I'm sure you'll still be able to...... think along the lines of....... It's just like riding a bike :)

    Dee x

    1. Dee,
      for the most part, I'm a chocolate kind of girl. But I'm also horribly picky about it. I have to say that this time, I was thrilled to see the flowers.

      I kind of hope it's like riding a bike...Though no one ever conditioned me not to be able to ride without someone pushing me along, so after 2 years, I'm not 100% confident in my ability anymore lol.

  2. I think things like bringing chocolate or flowers home...can be so important especially in the chaos. Its nice to be thought of...and have it all expressed in gestures :o) Pretty post, lil

    1. BleuAme,
      It really is nice! I think it's even nicer as the years go by and we develop all that chaos associated with having a life together.

  3. I'm with ya, girl. Not a lot of D/s has been happening in my marriage either. I've been blogging about it, but it's just so weird how the reality of this lifestyle is so different from what BDSM 101 websites would have us subs believe.

    Glad you got your roses. :)

    1. Sexperts,
      I think that was one of my biggest epiphanies--reality is usually a far cry from those websites. I think it's because they tend to just focus on D/s. They usually don't take into account kids, mortgages, family, just life in general.

  4. I think that is a nice reconnection. I would have a problem not being part of the solution with the problem but I am glad you can just step back and let ot happen.

    1. Kat,
      It was really nice.
      And I do have a problem not seeing myself in the solution. But trying to be hasn't really been working lol.

  5. Lil,
    Lisa told me many years ago not to bring her flowers. I think I should reconsider this.
    When I read this, I very much get the impression that you are (the biggest?) part of the solution.

    1. I did it! Just bought her a lot of Roses.
      And you know what?
      She loved it.

    2. Bas,
      apparently us women are odd creatures like that lol. Glad she liked the roses!
      And I dunno, perhaps my part of the solution is not trying to be...

  6. Thanks. I don't like getting flowers either. i think it's OTT. but who's to say if i actually got some that i wouln't be swooning. actually, if he brought me donuts now that would be another thing altogether.

    1. FA,
      Getting them can actually be pretty cool sometimes. And in my experience, anything with sugar is usually a safe bet.
      Now I want donuts for breakfast lol.

  7. Aah, how sweet. I've never been a big flower person either because it seems so impractical and yet, that's sort of the point.

    Last week my husband came home from a trip with a sign for me that said, "I love you more than bacon." I laughed, but now I want flowers.

    1. Susie,
      I'm a practical kind of woman (and like you said, flowers are very impractical). These days I find that I kind of like it when he occasionally throws practicality out the window.

      Lol. A sign hat says "I love you more than bacon" and some flowers would be hard to top.
      Now if he brought actual bacon, I'm not sure how thrilling that would be lol.

  8. Roses and rough sex? Geez-you got it all!

  9. Actually, the part that he bought you roses was such a kind way to let you know that he is aware of your feelings and he wanted to tell you he loves you.
    I hope that things settle down and maybe next time he might bring you chocolate roses.

    1. Blondie,
      It was really nice, and I loved it.
      Do they make those chocolate roses in dark? Because I think the milk chocolate ones are gross.
      I'm probably the most difficult woman in the world to buy chocolate for lol.


Play nice.