Not maintenance in the form of spanking. Those only happen because he can or wants to remind me that behaving is better than not behaving. No, that's not the kind of maintenance I need.
The kind of maintenance that reminds me he hasn't tired of our love.
There hasn't been a whole lot of Dominance and submission going on around here lately. I haven't been feeling well, fences with thing2 are badly damaged due to the broken fences with thing1, finances have been in less than stellar condition, in two weeks it will be two years since my father died, etc.
You get the picture. Life happens lol.
And there's something about our life that Alpha's fundamentally unhappy or unsatisfied with. When he figures out exactly what it is, I'll be the first to know.
The biggest problem I have surrounding this issue (besides the fact that I want him to be happy), is that I don't appear to be part of the solution. Not that he's running off to Mexico with a blonde or anything like that, it's just that nothing I do or don't do seems to make anything better.
But this isn't a whining rant. Really it's not!
He used to bring me flowers. I would tell him not to, and he'd do it anyways. Though for the most part, he switched to chocolate because well, chocolate is chocolate!
One mortgage, two kids, several generations of dogs, multiple family upheavals of epic proportions, fourteen years later, and I honestly couldn't tell you the last time he brought me flowers.
And you know what? I started to miss them. Yep, the woman who repeatedly used to say that flowers were nice, but not nice enough to spend money on.
Yesterday he brought me roses. And a card. Out of the blue, for no apparent reason.
And yes, the roses will whither and die because that's what flowers do. But the way I felt myself light up when I saw them? That's going to last long after they're gone.
On a not completely unrelated note, he used my mouth to cum last night. Then I asked to make myself cum afterwards and asked him if he knew when it was that I had done it last, he said "no, do you remember?". The truth is, I don't. A year? Two years? I'm not sure I even can any more...
He chuckled, rolled over and said, "fine go for it. but I'm not telling you when to cum!" Oh...."Ummm, please? That's really not fair you know. Okaay...I'm sure if I imagine it enough, that will work just fine for me!" I really wasn't sure, but you know, I figured it was worth a go.
Yea...He got tired of waiting for me to tear my clit off in desperation and decided to use me until he came again. And he told me to. So I got to cum too.
So the jury is still out as to whether or not I can actually still make myself cum. But I'm okay with that.
I say give me the roses and bring on the thorns.
Roses, a written proclamation of eternal love followed by some rough use and undeniable proof that I belong to him? Oh yes. That's the kind of maintenance I need.