For some reason, Blogger is being snarky about my attempts to respond to comments on my blog.
While I'm complaining about Blogger, does anyone have any ideas why I can't add blogs to follow from my dashboard? I mean, I can, but whenever I do, every other blog I follow vanishes until I remove the new one. It's rather irritating...
Oh right, comments...The bed is lovely, and I would probably live in it if I could. Ooh...I could do my reading there...See, I really could live there! If only I was allowed to have coffee in bed...
The first night, I changed my stance on the riding crop--maybe I didn't like it as much as I remembered. Though, by morning, I had reverted to my previous belief that is was my favorite implement.
Alpha says that I'm a fickle creature...I think it's my duty to disagree with that statement.
Anyways...I have been thinking again. Hazardous stuff to be sure.
We are somewhat limited by the reality of having children in the house 24/7, (I love my mother dearly, but I daresay that I would love her a bit more if she showed any interest in taking them both for the night more than once a year).
However, I feel like he doesn't push me. Now I know that doesn't sound so bad, but...
I have a few theories as to why that is. Of course I do. You wouldn't expect anything different here right?
One: He simply isn't interested in pushing things further.
Oh...I don't much like that one...But I have come to understand that a big part of submission is accepting that it will ultimately always take the form he chooses.
Two: He thinks I'm not ready for it and can't handle it.
Hmm, That might very well be true, but I don't think so...
How to phrase number three...
I'm willing to go too far? As in, further than he has interest in going, and therefore he deems it better to stay in the safety zone? That place where it isn't really necessary to actively curtail my activities and desires...
I'm not complaining...Oh fine, maybe a little bit. More correctly perhaps, I don't feel that I have a whole lot of right to complain.
I know that I have been a bit of a brat lately. You know, the kind of brat who's screaming for guidance and control, but doesn't make it easy for someone to exert those things.
Maybe it's because I feel like I have stalled out on growth in many aspects of my life, and I feel like D/s is a realistic area to expand...
Still I wonder...My comfort zone has expanded over the years, and when the comfort zone expands, stepping out of it becomes less and less simplistic, but more and more attractive...
I'm about to step out of my comfort zone and go 24/7 with my Master...As much as it appeals to me it scares the living daylights out of me
ReplyDeleteStarshine,
DeleteI have to admit that the fear of leaving my comfort zone is part of the attraction...
For me, 24/7 was definitely an adjustment, but well worth it. More fulfilling and complete perhaps...
I can't offer any advice on the Blogger issue. Mine randomly disappears and reappears the blogs I'm following. One day I'll log in to see that I'm following no blogs at all even though I follow around 50. An hour later, all of them are back. An hour after that, half are missing.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest, maybe it's time to sit down with Alpha and talk about comfort zones. I don't know how long you've been at this, but I assume when you started, you probably talked about what you both are and aren't comfortable with. Those things are bound to change over time. He may be feeling the same as you, but waiting for you to tell him that you're ready to take it a little further.
Dana,
DeleteBlogger usually behaves fairly well for me, but it can be such a bitch when it acts up.
We've been at this, 6+ years? Is it terrible that the years started blending together so badly after having kids? lol.
Many things have changed over time, and sadly, his grasp of what I am comfortable with and can handle usually far exceeds my own.
He knows that I am almost always good for a push further down the rabbit hole. Fortunately for me, he's also pretty good about deciding when I am actually capable of having my requested ventures.
Many things in life would have been simpler if my sit-down-and-talk communication skills were better lol.
Maybe it takes men longer to step out and take more. I am always ready to move faster and make bigger steps out of my comfort zone but my husband is more cautious and steady. I guess that is what I have to learn to accept. If you come up with anything that works to prod them (and still be submissive) let me know.
ReplyDeleteBlondie,
DeleteI think that perhaps accepting can be very much a part of submission in and of itself?
In retrospect, there have been many times that his cautious and steady approach has served us very well.
Ooh, the magic button? I so want one. Still looking for it...
In all seriousness though, I am starting to wonder if that desire to go further morphs into a need over time...
Cant help with the blogger issue, sometimes i log on and my list of bloggers i follow is there and sometimes it isnt!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dana, you need to sit down and talk it through, find out exactly what each other are wanting/needing etc, so your not left wandering if its 1,2 or 3 you will know, and more than likely it wont be any of them lol
However saying that, im all for communicating it is so very important, i do wander at times if the Bossman is not as motivated as me in 'pushing me', because he has been doing this a lot longer, i wander if for him its a case of 'been there, done that' and although he has not done or said anything to lead me to believe this is correct...i cant help but feel it at times...and i havent really made an effort to discuss this with him in detail..because if im truthful with myself im scared of having it confirmed that im correct.
Of course i may well be completley on the wrong wavelength and its simply that he will do what he wants when he wants!
But yeah talk it though...now i really should go off and practice what i preach!
x
tori,
Deleteat this moment, I have spent 12 minutes replying to 3 comments. Blogger is irritating the crap out of me lol.
So true! Chances are it really won't be any of them lol.
I totally get what you mean about that fear of finding out that a feeling like that is true. For me, it's number 1 on my neat and probably totally incorrect little list up there.
Oh but practicing what one preaches is so much less enjoyable! I personally much prefer preaching lol.
Though it does seem to offer far less opportunity for personal growth...
Blogger is a bitch. What more can you say. Comments are something I often have difficulty with. Lately, I have taken to copying them before I hit publish because more often than I care to remember, I get a message that the page cannot be found and come back later, that way I can just hit copy rather than try to recreate my comment. Okay, now that I've written a book about comments. I don't know about the other I haven't had a problem with that.
ReplyDeleteMen process differently and he is the Master so I guess you're stuck where you are until he decided to "move on out of the current zone". Doncha just love that advice?
sunnygirl,
Deleteright now, my own comments show in my email ages before the page finishes publishing my comments. If Blogger was smackable...
Your advice looks rather unhelpful on the surface, but it's actually quite good and true--sums the situation up perfectly lol.
One of my biggest submissive evolutionary processes perhaps--stay where he pauses and accept it.
I'm thinking this might be one of those millennium long processes...Lol.
Hi Lil, I'm afraid I can't help on the blogger issues either. It certainly can be a bitch and would definitely be female if it had a sex Lol
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with the above comments, you really need to sit down and talk with Alpha about comfort levels.
One thing you said really spoke to me - "a bit part of submission is accepting it will ultimately take the form he chooses". That is so true. It's so easy for us to have our own ideas on how we think they should lead, or what we think they should do. However, ultimately, the leading is up to him, his way. They also sometimes have an uncanny ability to know what we need better than we know, or think we know we need.
Hugs
Roz
Roz,
DeleteLol @ the blogger bit.
I have gotten better about that part of submission, though clearly, I still have quite a ways to go...
At a certain point, talk gets a bit redundant for us. It's actually rather similar to what gg said lol.
Glad you are enjoying your new mattress, lil! And if it makes you feel any better about Blogger, Wordpress is being a bit of a bastard right now to me around my RSS feed. Seems like everything's just set to be difficult this month!
ReplyDeletePerhaps Alpha is simply going slowly. My experience has been that I get much farther when Joy actively wants something before I make her do it. Developing this want in advance is helpful indeed.
Jake,
DeleteLOL--Blogger's a bitch, Wordpress is a bastard, god forbid the ever have children.
He always goes slowly. The irony is, sometimes it takes me longer to see how far we have come than it does for us to get there...
Oohrg--Doms and developing wants. Hmph--I will admit there's something to it. But that's as far as I'm going lol.
Cannot help with Blogger. I don't have these problems you describe. Wish I could compliment myself for that, but I just suppose that Blogger.NL is not as busy as blogger.com.
ReplyDeleteOne problem I had with your post was that I couldn't find the "other bitches".
I can understand this problem about how far this DD thing will take a couple. it is not something I see many posts about, but yes, indeed, determining how far you let DD take you, could be as big a problem as starting. I'm curious how this develops further.
Bas,
DeleteLucky!
Lol--the other bitches are here, just not as obvious as Blogger.
I think it will take us as far as he's willing to go...Mystery is good right?
lil,
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on the wanting to move more - it comes in waves - mostly when i am in a holding pattern or frustrated in other areas of my life - then i want to lunge ahead in this area. And it's across domains - i want to be pushed in his control, in pain, in play, in the deep thoughts and mind control - the whole thing. It has led to some of my most spectacular melt downs. I throw out all the three possibilities you mention at him - which he doesn't really appreciate actually. He listens to my drama, telling me essentially that i'm full of crap - and that i have to trust him - period. He holds his line and when i least expect it, and may struggle to handle it, he moves. Which is all oddly very reassuring.
gg,
DeleteIs it bad that the "full of crap" bit made me laugh? It's a statement that could have come out of my own living room.
Really, what you say is the root of why there's no "sit down" talks really--I mention these desires/needs, he files them away, and eventually we go one way or another. Generally drama free...As long as I can keep my shit together in the interim lol.
And yes, am in such a holding pattern with everything. Which doesn't bother me usually...But around my birthday, such patterns make me feel singularly unaccomplished lol.