Saturday, January 12, 2013

Question: First session with Dom?

I got a question...

"I've arranged to have my first session, with my first dom. I'm scared and excited. I see him as a friend, someone I trust and feel safe around. But I can't understand why I'm so nervous. Will he care if I'm insecure? Will he care about my looks? Is it safe? Is there anything I should worried about in terms of my dom? Please share if you recollect your first experiences"

My first experience was with my husband after we had been together for a number of years, so I don't think it is really applicable to your situation.

My personal opinion is that what you should be worried about is very situation dependent. Like how well you know, the Dominant. If it's a passing familiarity, I think that it would be a good idea to set yourself up with a safe call just in case anything goes wrong.
I would also recommend having some negotiation about limits, what is acceptable, and what you are both looking for before you play.

Is it safe? I don't know. I can't answer that question for you, but the fact that you asked it makes me think that you haven't met face to face, and a safecall would be a very important safeguard to put into place. Make sure that person knows where you are, and let them know if your location changes.
But ultimately, you have to use your better judgement--If you have never met face to face before, meet in public. If it feels wrong--don't have the session.

Will he care about your looks? As long as you haven't portrayed yourself as something you're not, I doubt it is going to rank very high up on the list of importance. I have been called beautiful with eyeliner smeared to high heaven and tears rolling down my face lol.
I think that the vulnerability and submission is often ranked far higher than looks in these situations. For me, it is very much about the rawness that happens when superficial things become inconsequential.

I don't know if your insecurity will bother him. My first response would be, don't worry about your insecurities, the worry makes them worse.
I know that for a fact because insecurity is one thing I have down to a science.

I think the question about whether or not you should worry is really dependent on your situation and how well you know the Dom.
If you are friends and have known each other for a while, I would just try to go with it and not weigh yourself down with unnecessary concerns.

Having never been in a situation similar to yours, and not having had my morning coffee yet,  I'm not sure that this advice was very helpful...But I noticed the question was aging, and wanted to get to it before you had your session.


  1. Nervous doesn't have to mean afraid.
    For my first scene, which was early on with a new guy, he asked if I was nervous. I said, "Yes, but not as in scared but as in jittery with anticipation."
    "Good. That's how you should be."

    Other than that, I ditto lil.
    What doms seem to want is your honest response to their dominance, not your perfect makeup or flawless hair. (thank gawd or I'd be screwed!)

    Be smart, be safe but don't fret it to death, either.
    If he's a good dom, he'll understand your concerns and help you through them.

    1. Thank you Jz!
      Yea, it's part of the Dom magic or something--personally, I find snot so unattractive...
      I'm good at messed up hair and dripping eyeliner though!

  2. Great advice lil, safety first, always. I think a certain amount of nervousness is normal. I still get nervous when we play and we've been together forever and a day. I would probably worry more if I didn't get the butterflies in the tummy that playtime brings :)

    1. faerie,
      I would rather err on the side of caution when handing out advice to be sure. Especially not really knowing the situation.

      You know, I still get nervous too. Apparently my pre-coffee haze didn't allow that to make it to the page lol.
      I think that the nerves are part of the attraction...

  3. I think it is normal to feel scared and excited and nervous when you meet your Dom for the first time. My good girl and I had spent a year and a half texting and talking on the phone daily before we actually met and yet we were still nervous and anxious. As it turned out, things went really well. If you think of him as a friend you can trust, the odds are in your favor.

    At our first meeting, we spent an hour cuddling and talking and then went out to lunch so we could both relax. Once we returned, we started playing and everything just clicked. I offered to take her out to dinner that first night but she preferred staying in and ordering pizza because we wanted to savor every moment together.

    If you trust him, things should be OK but I think a lot of it depends on how long you've been with him and how well you know him. You might want to start with meeting him in a public place to make sure you feel comfortable with him. Oh, and tell him you are scared and excited. The more communication the better.

    And good luck and let us know how it goes.


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