Sunday, January 13, 2013

Yielding to Realization

I have this teensy-weensy problem...
I equate yielding with quitting, giving up, throwing in the towel, lying down on the battlefield and dying, etc. You get the picture.
To many medieval books as a child or something lol.

While the tendency to hang on with bleeding fingernails and never give up, works pretty good on a chessboard, and has served me fairly well in life, it's not a great recipe for submission.
Real shocker right?

Something interesting happened when I made a conscious decision to yield. There was no immediate and obvious change in our relationship. There was a noticeable lack of fireworks and incredible displays of power exchange.
But...
There were also a notable lack of battles of will.

Alpha always said that he wanted my will to be his. That Dominance and submission meant nothing without free will. Specifically, my free will and the fact that I would offer it to him of my own accord. Not in token form, not in the way of "If I give this, then I will get that," but in the form of yielding all with a complete willingness with the desire to be nothing more or less than his.
The surrender of a strong will being far more of a conquest than anything taken in duress.

There were no fireworks, no earth shattering shakes of the foundation.
But I felt...Different.
And I realized that I would be willing to go as far as he would take us.
I realized that I was far more willing to go to extremes than I wanted to admit to him or myself.
I realized that I had become malleable, and craved the molding process.
I realized that submission led to yielding, and surrender was a product of that process.
And I realized that it felt good. It felt...Right.

I began to wonder if my willingness and occasional overwhelming need to swim in the deep end, made me a nightmare or a wet dream for him.
Truth be told, I think he's still trying to decide which one.

I surrendered my free will to him. Ultimately, that means yielding to however he chooses to use it, whether that's just a little, or quite a lot.
Though, I hate to think of the possibility of a perfectly good and stubborn will not being used to it's full potential...

16 comments:

  1. "I had become malleable, and craved the molding process." So much, all packed into one small sentence. I've sat here staring at the comment box for minutes trying to formulate my thoughts and I just can't.

    Once again, you speak to me Lil, I just can't speak back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lm,
      but you did speak back!
      And I always appreciate it.

      Delete
  2. Ahh stubborness, i do believe this is one of the 'traits' that hold me back, nevertheless i do think we are progressing along and more control is being asserted we just dont 'see' or 'feel' it but its there..its happening...and then all of a sudden its like "oh"!

    If that makes any sense at all.

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori,
      it makes total sense. I wander along thinking things are one way, then I realize that we are actually a series of steps ahead of where I thought, and I wonder how we got there with me so oblivious lol.

      Delete
  3. That last sentence speaks volumes. Stop thinking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sunnygirl,
      it's always that last sentence isn't it?
      I'm trying! It's surprisingly difficult lol.

      Delete
  4. lil, I can relate to so much of what you just posted. I too am a ridiculously strong willed, spirited woman...who - completely shocked myself by submitting to my Sir and have ended up THRIVING! It is wonderful and liberating and transformative.

    Thanks for posting!!
    ~fiona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. fiona,
      it's interesting how freeing submission can be isn't it?

      Delete
  5. Surrending your free will to him in a positive step forward in this lifestyle. Leet's hope he choses to use it a lot.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FD,
      well yes, wouldn't want it to go to waste lol.

      Delete
  6. I can definitely relate to this one. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kitty,
      us subs tend to have a lot in common huh.

      Delete
  7. According to Ward, my overwhelming need, my hunger is HIS aphrodisiac :) Surrender is delicious ans gives you what you need. Sounds like win-win to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. June,
      You're quite right--it really is a win-win.

      Delete
  8. I like his comment about free will and submission. It is so hard to just let go of trying to control everything. Sometimes I think that when I think about relenting or submitting, it is harder to do. Rather I just try to remember that we are on the same side and that I should be doing what I can to make him happy and our marriage work. We both can't be in charge. Still very difficult.
    Your post makes a lot of sense. And it is very thought provoking

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blondie,
      sometimes thinking about it creates a barrier of it's own doesn't it?

      Delete

Play nice.