Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Being in control

 Just for the record...I'm not entirely sure this post makes any sense at all...

So when I'm feeling bitter about having to do something I don't want to, I occasionally make statements like "I wish I was in charge, then you'd see!" For the record, such thoughts are best run carefully through that ever elusive brain-to-mouth filtering system that so often malfunctions on me. They are unwise at best lol.

Anyways, I can be a teensy weensy bit of a control freak (don't choke on your drink. Nothing wrong with occasionally understating things). Control is one of the biggest ways we assert influence on our lives, how we determine the direction circumstances take and direct the outcome to be what we want.

As a kid, being in control sounded great. It was a concept of the freedom to direct life in any direction I wanted and to take over the world. As an adult in a power exchange relationship I have come to see it in a slightly different light.

Control equals responsibility.  And responsibility can be brutal. As a couple we are a team and we make life decisions together. He asks for my input and takes it into consideration. Occasionally He disagrees and goes another route. Which hasn't always worked out. Of course, there have been times when He went the direction I wanted and it was completely disastrous as well. Things like this tend to lead to little identity crisis for the person responsible for the decision.

"My blog had an identity crisis babe."
"You're having an identity crisis."
"Umm, no, I said my blog is having an identity crisis."
The eyebrow went up and He looked at me like I was deaf.
"That's what I said, You're having an identity crisis."
"Oh pfbt, fine."

That doesn't really fit in here does it? Perhaps I should have called my blog "the random nonsensical ramblings of an insane submissive."

Over the last couple of years Alpha made some decisions that had less than desirable consequences. Some of them were decisions I pushed for, some were ones I disagreed with. In the end? He feels that they were all His because He was the one in control. I would like to see Him get back to that place where He no longer second guesses His decisions. Admittedly easier said than done when you have a sub who is constantly questioning the validity of said decisions (I did say introspection was a bitch right?). Hey, I'm working on it.

The thing is, being in control is not a piece of cake. Those who are most power hungry often make the poorest leaders because they lack the caring and ability to analyze the possible consequences of their decisions.
This thought process is the one thing I often find missing when I read the writings of new Dominants--the realization that being in control means being responsible for the outcome of your decisions and it's impacts on the person you are leading.

So before you decide you want to be in control of someone else's life? Be first and foremost in control of yourself and take a moment to think about what it really means. Because being in control is not a piece of cake.

And when you aren't the one in control, I feel it's a public service to say "think twice before making damning statements about being the one in charge because someone else is wielding those painful implements!"


  1. very wise. I also struggle with wantinghim to make decisions but then questioning said decisions.

  2. Not the easiest thing to admit to I must say.

  3. I often think about the huge responsibility that a Dom has, especially when I feel like I want the Dirty Old Man to have more control... it IS a lot to ask!

  4. Lea, I tend to have a bit of an internal war "more control, less control, you have it easy 'cuz you say jump and I do, the responsibility is big, etc." I'm still working on the whole roller coaster bit lol.


Play nice.