Saturday, August 20, 2011

Evolutionary Issues

Evolution is a concept that has always fascinated me. Not in the biological sense of the word, more on a human and spiritual level. Evolution is a process of growth and development.

It is however, a process that is not always easy or pleasant to undergo.

In one way or another, I have always had issues surrounding my sexuality. And I have had some struggles with my kinks too. For some reason, the kinks are easier even though the two are deeply intertwined. Perhaps it's because I have been carrying my other issues for longer lol. Or maybe it is because of Alpha's acceptance of my kinks, or the fact that the kinks I get to experience are the ones He chooses to indulge.

It is possible to completely detach oneself from a situation. And it is also possible to be so immersed in a moment that the experience pours out of you for days.
I spent many years perfecting the former.

And that feeling of drowning in need, passion, sex, submission, pain, love...It is the very close to the opposite of what I have always been. Or at least, what I have always let be forefront in my personality.

The other night while I was panicking about my inability to control my own desires, He said "you're waking up little one." Matter of fact. Like an outside observer watching a long awaited process begin--and observer who never had a doubt as to the outcome.
Alpha is a patient man. But that patience is a give and take. Because when He's done being patient? It's gone, over, done, finished. And He has been patient for a very long time.


  1. It is a growth process and terming it as evolution is appropriate. My girl and I had undergone a similar process.
    Society says you should act a certain way, so those feelings and desires hidden, tucked away.
    Allowing them out is all part of the submissive process. To put those desire, those urges in the hands of your Master.
    At that point are they still "your" desires or as you have submitted to Him are they now his to control?

  2. lil, I think you'll find that there are no more patient men than Dominant men! And also, I do think that they like the journey, to see the evolution. I don't think they want to jump from start to finish, it's an evolution that they are a part of - a HUGE part of.

    "you're waking up little one", yes exactly what you're doing (right where I'm at too!) And matter of fact- well aren't they always? *LOL*
    So you see, don't panic about your inability to control your desire -it's what he's been waiting for!

    Hugs x

  3. Those words "You're waking up.." spoke to me too as I am new to this journey. Such powerful words.

    I'm so happy for you.

  4. Beautiful post! This sort of evolution can be quite an overwhelming feeling.

  5. littlemonkey, hugs back

    Southern Sir, you make a very good point and that's something that did come up in our conversation. He made it pretty clear that they weren't lol.

    Sweet girl, Yes, it is very much about the journey isn't it.

    Sky, they spoke to me too. In an "oh shit" kinda way lol. But I do think that ttwd is very much about waking up and exploring different aspects of who we are. It was a valid statement.

    Serenity, Thank you! And yes, it is rather overwhelming.


Play nice.