Evolution is a concept that has always fascinated me. Not in the biological sense of the word, more on a human and spiritual level. Evolution is a process of growth and development.
It is however, a process that is not always easy or pleasant to undergo.
In one way or another, I have always had issues surrounding my sexuality. And I have had some struggles with my kinks too. For some reason, the kinks are easier even though the two are deeply intertwined. Perhaps it's because I have been carrying my other issues for longer lol. Or maybe it is because of Alpha's acceptance of my kinks, or the fact that the kinks I get to experience are the ones He chooses to indulge.
It is possible to completely detach oneself from a situation. And it is also possible to be so immersed in a moment that the experience pours out of you for days.
I spent many years perfecting the former.
And that feeling of drowning in need, passion, sex, submission, pain, love...It is the very close to the opposite of what I have always been. Or at least, what I have always let be forefront in my personality.
The other night while I was panicking about my inability to control my own desires, He said "you're waking up little one." Matter of fact. Like an outside observer watching a long awaited process begin--and observer who never had a doubt as to the outcome.
Alpha is a patient man. But that patience is a give and take. Because when He's done being patient? It's gone, over, done, finished. And He has been patient for a very long time.