We were curled up in bed last night and I was thinking about how much I love that feeling--those times when we become closer than our skin will allow.
I am looking for words to describe something beyond them...
To what purpose do we live the experience of ttwd? Because it reaches some deep seated need in our beings, because it is just a part of who we are? Because it deepens and enhances our relationships? Because it frees a part of ourselves and feels good? Is it a tool for growth which, like any tool, can be destructive as it is constructive? Because it brings us closer than our skin will allow...
I think that, for us, it is maybe all of the above. And perhaps over time those reasons will continue to evolve.
Imho, because ttwd strips away so much of the superficial aspects of ourselves, it allows us to be closer to another person than possible with purely physical intimacy. There is an unparalleled opening and exchange of energy. It brings us closer not only to each other, but to that Universal source of all that is. Ttwd becomes an altered state of mind where skin itself no longer separates us.
We use the physical intimacy of ttwd to transcend and go beyond the physical aspects of our connection.
Everything that exists is energy--matter is simply energy in form. And consciousness is a tool for directing and controlling energy. It is the deliberation of purpose when Alpha looks into my eyes and makes a move, His focus on that moment and the energy between us; as well as my openness to Him, that defines the energetic exchange between us. It defines that moment and what it will become.
Experiences I had before taught me how to shut off. How to send my mind away from what was happening to my body and avoid...Really being there at all. Once you get into the habit of separating your mind from your body, it's really hard to reestablish that connection and stay in the moment--even if it's a good experience.
I don't do that any more. Just like He can tell if I'm not in space, He knows if I'm not home and calls me back to Him immediately. Because when you distance your mind like that, you cannot ever truly be close. It makes intimacy impossible.
And isn't that so much of what ttwd is about, closeness, that intimacy, the unrivaled connection with another human being?
I can't really find words to define it. But I love those moments in our space--when we are closer than skin will allow.