I find myself in a very odd place tonight. Yes, I'm in my living room...But the thing is...I'm needy. Yes, I know I'm probably always needy in one way or another lol.
But not this way.
Alpha's been working constantly. And He's asleep as soon as He's done with dinner. And He's sick. Last week I was sick. This means no one's been getting any action around here.
The thing is, the less sex we have? The less I want it. Well, there's a happy medium there because my body and I have these disagreements sometimes. It will betray me in numerous ways--My mind says "more pleeaase!" (yes, I have been known to speak in tongues). Or conversely, it will tell Him that something I am desperately begging Him to stop doing is turning me on to no end.
So we have this off and on relationship, my body and I.
I'm used to the betrayals...Just not the kind where I want to crawl in bed and beg to be used. Could I crawl in bed right now and say "please fuck me in the ass Master"? I could...But I can't. Writing it is painful enough, like nails on the crazy little chalkboard in my head.
And I wonder why it's so difficult for me to say and type those words. Perhaps it strikes me as crude and I enjoy subtlety. Or perhaps it's to honest and blatant.
Either way, I could crawl into bed and beg for it. I might even get it. But chances are? I won't try.
The thing is, no matter what it is, I hardly ever ask for it. My body asks, my mind asks, and usually He hears me anyways. But whether it's pain or pleasure or anything in between. I never open my mouth and ask.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that if I ask for it, I can't deny I wanted it and pretend it's all His desires that got me there in that moment.
Overall? I'm not used to wanting something I spent years trying to avoid. And I have a very hard time admitting what I want by using those pesky things we humans communicate with called words.
Oh, yes! Very very hard. I try my best to drop hints; but to actually ask? I can even get up the courage to say "I really love it when you fuck my ass," but to ask? Ugh, nails on chalkboard describes it so well!
ReplyDeletePerversely, I think he enjoys hearing me ask. A lot. So I try to strike my own balance and only ask when I really cannot stand it anymore.
And the less sex we have the less I want it as well. I have tried to reason that one out but failed. Perhaps it is some sort of biological function to keep people from going crazy/attacking each other when no sexual partner seems forthcoming? 2 days and I am crazy for it, a week and I'm out of my mind with desire, but 8-9 days? Eh, don't care anymore.
i think it must be a by-product of being submissive, or slavey...we aren't SUPPOSED to ask, are we? Aren't they just meant to know everything? you're right, asking with words is the hardest thing in the world to do.
ReplyDeleteAnd i know why i want it less the longer i go without...Conina is absolutely right. It's just to prevent complete and utter insanity.
i have the kids to think of, after all.
Conina, I agree. Playing on the Dominant side of the fence, one of the things I like the best is to create such a state of desire in my wife, Joy, that she will ask for something, or at least admit to me that she wants it, whatever it might be. There's a real sense of accomplishment in that, precisely because it is so difficult for her to do, and the amount of desire must be great for her to overcome that barrier.
ReplyDeleteIf I have to ask it's not as much fun...I love it when Daddy just takes me and uses me for his pleasure because perversely I get a lot of pleasure from his!
ReplyDeleteKitty
Master and I always say - words are hard.
ReplyDeleteConina, if it's a survival mechanism to prevent women from going on the rampage, then they forgot to build it into men. 8 days and I'm in the doghouse big time lol.
ReplyDeletepepper, yes well, we must think of not beating the children right? Really, it's a public service lol.
Jake, Ooh that state of desire is completely unfair! Just for the record you know lol.
Kitty, there is something aout the "taking" aspect that just makes it better doesn't it.
zelda, words are hard! And most times, I am willing to go to great lengths to avoid them.
Something about using words makes us all the more vulnerable, don't you think? And that can be risky business sometimes.....
ReplyDeleteKatherine, it really does.
ReplyDelete