Thursday, September 15, 2011

Constant Dominance

I mused on this subject for a while and rediscovered the draft I wrote a while back. Since I have nothing even semi-interesting to say besides the fact that we are about to add kittens to our menagerie and I want to go to bed not work, I figured I would publish it lol.

No one is Dominant all the time.

I know, shocker right? Bastards. Inconsiderate of them to be human too isn't it lol. But it's true. Constant Dominance is a myth. No matter who you are, what your situation is, or how entwined ttwd is in your life, being Dominant all the time is not possible. Maybe a few people will sputter and object, but it's just  fact of living life and being human.
People get sick, there are problems, everyone has bad days, we all submit to someone at some point in some way.
As a submissive, it can be a hard pill to swallow. I mean, no one really wants to submit to anything less than what they see as one of the ultimate powers right?
But I think that the simple fact that no one is Dominant all the time is perhaps one of the rewards of Dominance (I of course, see other rewards, like blow jobs on demand from a tired and cranky graceful sub, getting your way, having the last word, etc lol).
Anyways, dragging my ass back on track here, being Dominant gives an area in life where a Dom has control regardless of what's going on at work or anywhere else. A while back when things were going really bad, Alpha told me that our relationship was about the only thing He was really happy with in His life. At the time, some decisions had been made that did not end well, His business was a mess, circumstances dictated that He had a great lack of control over anything. Except for me.

And that was enough. Not ideal maybe, but enough nonetheless.

I'm not an expert on being Dominant. Because that's not who I am and I see it from my end of the spectrum-- as a submissive. Though it could also, of course, be said that I ain't (is so a word when the children can't hear it), an expert on submission either lol.

But expertise or lack thereof aside, I do believe it to be true--constant Dominance is a myth.


  1. Good thought-provoking post. My situation is that, with all we have going on right now -- which includes a house addition and renovation, three school-age special needs children, and my husband's physically-demanding job (which includes a boss no one likes or respects), he feels he can't juggle all the balls in the air. He's let his dominance slip in many ways. When I stopped mentioning or reminding him of maintenance spankings, they stopped happening. He's letting some things slide with me and my attitude, as well.

    He feels badly about this and doesn't want to let me down, but the truth is, he has. I told him that while I understand how crazy/busy things are, I'm disappointed and sad that it is our relationship that has to take the hit. I also said that I want to put it on hold and he doesn't get to pick and choose when to jump in and be dominant and then pull back. I had read someone's post who said that, in order for submission to work well, there has to be dominance to press up against. I agree.

    I'm just sad about this right now. I feel the opposite way -- that this is all the more reason for us to strengthen our resolve and commitment to each other and Dd. *Sigh*

  2. It sucks when real life gets in the way of fun!

  3. I say this to my Sir all the time. And honestly, I'm okay with it. No one can be any one thing all the time. And knowing that makes the time and effort and love that goes into our D/s relationship that more special.

  4. Not even sure it is a myth. You can only dominate those who submit. Even a Dom may have to submit to s sub in real life. For instance if he is a air passenger and she is a security officer. Get sick and have you self treated by your sub. Then there is the packing order. For every Dom there is someone who claims to be more dominant. We can learn a lot from wolf packs in this respect. I am also not sure if it is a problem if a Dom can not dominate all the times. One thing is not a myth: The nature of a Dom does not change, even if he has to act in a for him unnatural way.

  5. Katherine, I think it can be hard sometimes when there's a lot going on outside of D/s. Though, constant Dominance might not be possible, picking nd choosing when it's convenient is like picking and choosing when you will submit--it doesn't really work. Unless I guess, if you have a "bedroom only arrangement.

    SBF, yes, reality can be such a bitch huh, lol.

    Lea, "No one can be any one thing all the time." Well said.

    Elder, I had to laugh at the "get sick and have yourself treated by your sub" bit. Because Alpha is exceptionally unpleasant when sick and well, I do kinda get to be in charge then...some. And maybe occasionally, I take just an eetsy bitsy bit of advantage of the situation.

    I think a Dominant can't be that in all situations at all times, but that doesn't make it any less a part of who they are.

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