Monday, September 5, 2011

A page just for newbies?

In our early explorations of ttwd, I did a massive amount of reading--blogs, websites, anything I could lay my greedy little eyes on.

Much to my surprise, my crazy little blog eventually ended up listed on a couple of them.
The thing is, blogs come and go. And it's rarely the ones I have little interest in.
Yesterday, much to my dismay, I discovered that one of my favorites was no longer in existence (reading blogs is addictive ya know, some become part of the morning coffee ritual which should never be disturbed).

This got me to thinking about all that early reading I did, how greedy I was for information, how difficult it can be in the beginning to separate fantasy from the facts of reality, and how much complete crap is out there.
So I started thinking about creating a page on the blog just for newbies (my admitted fucked-upness and the fact that I'm always confused and questioning does not disqualify me from giving advice tyvm. Geez, free advice is worth what you pay for it after all lol).

Anyways, because ttwd is individual like the people who do it, needs for knowledge are different. What I needed to learn was different than what another will need, though there are some basic concepts that I think apply to everyone.

I rarely ask for input from my readers, probably because it saves me from the rudeness of disagreeing with advice I asked for lol; however, if there was one (or more, why not) thing you wish you could have discovered about ttwd before learning it the hard way, what would it have been?

Nothing I have read anywhere ever came near to substituting for the things I have learned from and with Alpha, but occasionally they have clarified my confusion or prompted thoughts that helped me to evolve as a submissive.

And I was so shy that first year, I never commented or asked questions, I just lurked around and hoped that I would find my answers in someone elses question. More often than not, my answers were waiting for me when I plucked up the courage to ask Alpha.

But still, for every great blog and website, there are fifty more that are not realistic and completely lack anything helpful for the new explorer.

So, if there was one (or more, why not) thing you wish you knew about ttwd before learning it the hard way, what would it be?


  1. How much patience it takes. It takes a whole hell of a lot...laughs!!!

  2. I think this is a great idea. I am new to D/s and like you, when you first embarked on this journey, I spend countless hours looking at blogs, websites, etc. I find a lot of things prompt me to ask my DM and then he clarifies things for me.

    I can't really answer your question, but I really enjoy YOUR site, and have gained a lot just from the glimpse you share of a real life, D/s relationship.

    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.

    Take care, Sky

  3. Truthfully, the one thing I think every newbie needs to understand is that this can be whatever the two of you make it. Other than that, setting up a forum to ask questions might be a good thing.
    I like the idea, tho. We're all desperate for info when we first start.

    (and don't you find that sometimes, when blogs go bye-bye, it's only on a temporary basis? Like, they need a minute of privacy, or something. *ahem* Just a thought...)

  4. One of the hardest lessons I learned was a D/s relationship is still in fact a relationship. That seems so simple, right? Yet, when I first went in search of a play partner and/or a Dom, I was uncertain of how the interactions would (should?) be.

    I made a lot of mistakes, but something in me finally clicked when I was about 20 minutes into a 4 hour drive to meet my latest "Dom." As I was driving it hit me that I wasn't being treated like a person.

    I thought that being a sub was different from being a girlfriend...and I was right kind of, but I lost sight that I had rights and expectations too.

    I'm sure we've all had the fantasies and day dreams. You meet someone who seems to fit that mold. Then daily life gets in the way and you're left feeling like a disappointment or worse.

    That was my first few, but brief touchings with D/s. Obviously not good ones! Once I learned to stand up for myself, I did much better. I know we see it all the time where "submissive doesn't equal doormat", but when you're brand new to this, it's easy to fall into that without even realizing it.

    I guess a bit tying into that...the other person should be interested in your life as a whole, not just the kink. If you're in college or you have a job or kids, they should acknowledge the importance of maintaining and even improving those aspects of your life. If all someone seems interested in is sex, and you want more, don't feel bad about ending things or not beginning things even if you are compatible sexually. There's so much more to life than sex, so make sure all your desires in life work well together.

    Great question and idea, lil!


  5. I feel really stupid but
    I don't have a clue
    as to what that stands for

    but now I'm very curious

  6. I was the same, always reading, always searching, not so much for specific answers to questions I had, but trying to gain knowledge as best I could.
    More often than not, I would read something that would spark a question, and like most others, I was too shy to ask questions of the blogger. I would usually go back to Master and ask the questions of Him.
    After all, I needed to know how HE felt about certain things, and how things would work for US, rather than someone's opinion who wasn't in our relationship.

    The one thing I would tell someone new to D/s in any form, whether it be 24/7 or LDR is that without TOTAL and COMPLETE HONESTY, you will encounter issues, and if you feel you can't ask questions, ANY QUESTIONS...then it may not be the right person for you.

    But knowing you can ask questions of the blogger, about something that has made you curious, is something you don't see printed on the side of many blogs.

    Maybe we all need a tag somewhere that says ASK HERE..... and ASK ANYTHING.

    Just a thought.


  7. Hmmm, I like that these opinions are overall very much in sync with my own lol.

    William, Well, they do say patience is a virtue (He's still beating that into me lol), and A Dom without patience would just be a mean person lol. Good point though.

    Sky, Thank you, I appreciate hearing that someone finds my crazy ramblings occasionally useful or insightful.

    Jz, Always makes me happy when the author of a blog I like appears here! That's a great point about ttwd being whatever we make it, especially because in the beginning it's so easy to think "well, it should be like this or that because of how it works for someone else."
    The forum is a great idea and I did look into making one. I don't think it would take to much, I just have to figure out if I have the dedication to keep one running lol.
    And I must admit, I'm always happy when the blog bye bye is temporary!

    cuddlykitten, I'm glad you brought up the point about D/s being a relationship--I would have never thought to make a point of that because we were already in a relationship when we discovered D/s.

    KittyCat, My turn to feel stupid because I'm not sure what "that" is. I'm going to assume it's "ttwd" (correct me if I'm wrong). ttwd stands for "this thing we do."
    See, there are no stupid questions, just stupid answers lol.

    his kitty, I agree with you about honesty, and I'm glad the general consensus seems to be that the first person to ask is your partner.
    I do have a tag on the side for questions, but I also know I never use them on other blogs which is one of the reasons I think Jz's forum idea has merit.

  8. Think everyone kinda covered this one ;-)


  9. mouse, good to see you around again.

  10. I suppose it would have to be... Listen the first time! Damn it hurts when I don't follow the rules the first time ;)

    lil, I too enjoy your blog. I am in awe of most of the blogs I follow because all of you women (yes I follow women) seem to love to write, you have a way with words that makes me want to read more. Yes, your experiences and personality make me want to come back too :) all around great reading (even when you think its boring) and I hope it doesn't ever go bye bye xo

  11. Naida, I would love to climb on a soapbox about listening the first time...But since I tend to have issues with that it would be umm, slightly hypocritical advice...Still good though lol.

    Thank you. I'm glad that you like the blog. It's always nice to get feedback like this.


Play nice.