When life is disrupted and crazy, there comes a certain point where I no longer want D/s.
Repression is, unfortunately, my specialty.
Then after a while, this terrifying realization dawns on me (yea I know, my "realization" is not a news flash or some new major surprise), and I have to accept the fact that I need D/s.
I suppose it would sound dramatic to say it's a need like the physical requirement for air, and that wouldn't be exactly true either...It's more like water in the desert--you can go without for a while. At first you even feel okay, and you think you'll be fine without it for as long as you have to.
After a while, you realize that you really won't be okay without it. That you don't want it merely to sate your thirst--you need it.
And then when you get it, there's a temptation to gorge, but your body rejects it because it's too much at once...
I still wonder when exactly ttwd became a need? No longer a want for pleasure or pain, but an unavoidable need for his control. His pain. His Dominance. An inexplicable craving to be owned.
And feel it.
Wouldn't it be convenient if it was all just a game, and could be turned off and on at will?
But that would be a bit like dipping your toes in the oasis--why play on the edges when you can dive right in?
D/s is a bit like water--it's one of those needs beyond want.
I think I can live without it for a while...But eventually I will, beg, cry, and crawl for even just one drop.
Because I need it.