Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My life is a circus

I look at my blog with its title I love so much and notice that D/s hasn't really been showing much. But damn, life's goal for the next 24 hours? Make it through a six hour car ride, shopping, and Alpha's Dr. appointment with three children under ten.

I try to ramble mostly about D/s or our relationship. But this is my life, and damned if it doesn't get more complicated by the day.

I have to say...I'm angry. I have been lied to, manipulated, sleep deprived, and had our lives inside out. For what? So thing1 can avoid curbing her addictions while I cram 3 children into one tiny bedroom and tuck her kid in at night soothing babygirl as she cries for her mom?

I did braided pigtails for the first time in my life today.
I had to pick out a matching outfit for a kid for the first time ever. Holy hell, I'm just happy if I can get the boys into something clean lol.

And I don't resent babygirl. At all. I am angry. I held on to the whole loving support bit for a while, but damn. I'm tired of the schizophrenic bullshit from thing1.

I got one "Look" today. Alpha was telling me to be careful and I got that warning look. And it freaking melted me. I am so tired of life changing decisions, lacking the closeness that comes when we are on, those random moments in time against the kitchen wall...

And did I mention that stupid Dr. appointment of Alpha's that's been chewing away at the back of my mind for over a month?

You know, being kidnapped and beaten wouldn't be so bad...Wonder if he'd oblige me, given a miraculous moment of free time...

Did I say that today would have been my father's 59th birthday?

After about a weeks worth of sleep I'll get my humor back. I'm fairly sure it's at the bottom of my coffee a few gallons later in the week.

10 comments:

  1. I'm sorry it's tough right now lil. You're humour will come back when it's ready to. I also have 3 under 10. It can be exhausting I know when everything else is fine but more so when it's not. Hang in there.

    Dee x

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  2. Sorry things are so tough right now. You'll get through it although sometimes when you are in the middle of the situation,it's hard to do.
    Pretty soon you'll be an expert at the braid thing and a fashionista too. :)
    Hugs and happy thoughts coming your way

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  3. Hang in there girl, better times are coming. They have too, right? RIGHT? Hugs coming your way.

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  4. Just letting you know I'm here..

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  5. Thinking of you, lil. You are so amazing with all you do and offer of yourself. It will never be wasted.

    love, squirrel

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  6. Sending very big hugs to you...

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  7. We have gotten more support from my readers here in blogland than anywhere else in life over the last couple of weeks.
    You don't just come for the fun and chains, and I appreciate all of your support more than I can say.

    So with all my heart, thank you for your thoughts, virtual hugs, caring sentiments, and words of support.

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Play nice.