My life is a circus

I look at my blog with its title I love so much and notice that D/s hasn't really been showing much. But damn, life's goal for the next 24 hours? Make it through a six hour car ride, shopping, and Alpha's Dr. appointment with three children under ten.

I try to ramble mostly about D/s or our relationship. But this is my life, and damned if it doesn't get more complicated by the day.

I have to say...I'm angry. I have been lied to, manipulated, sleep deprived, and had our lives inside out. For what? So thing1 can avoid curbing her addictions while I cram 3 children into one tiny bedroom and tuck her kid in at night soothing babygirl as she cries for her mom?

I did braided pigtails for the first time in my life today.
I had to pick out a matching outfit for a kid for the first time ever. Holy hell, I'm just happy if I can get the boys into something clean lol.

And I don't resent babygirl. At all. I am angry. I held on to the whole loving support bit for a while, but damn. I'm tired of the schizophrenic bullshit from thing1.

I got one "Look" today. Alpha was telling me to be careful and I got that warning look. And it freaking melted me. I am so tired of life changing decisions, lacking the closeness that comes when we are on, those random moments in time against the kitchen wall...

And did I mention that stupid Dr. appointment of Alpha's that's been chewing away at the back of my mind for over a month?

You know, being kidnapped and beaten wouldn't be so bad...Wonder if he'd oblige me, given a miraculous moment of free time...

Did I say that today would have been my father's 59th birthday?

After about a weeks worth of sleep I'll get my humor back. I'm fairly sure it's at the bottom of my coffee a few gallons later in the week.