Saturday, January 28, 2012

My Fortress

So I've got these walls, but their not just walls--more like a fortress with a moat and large vats of hot oil just waiting to be poured (ironically, they often seem to tip inwards, but that's another post...).

Occasionally Alpha ends up back out in the moat which is a bit like waving red in front of a raging bull.
That is generally when those pesky vats of burning liquid spill inwards.

But I had a little moment of realization today--maybe I don't actually need this castle anymore.

Walls exist to provide safety by keeping things out. I have no desire to keep Alpha out.
To a large extent, he protects me from the world. And he protects me from myself. Even when he has to swim across the moat and tear down my walls to put out the fires.

But that lonely little castle, it's not where I go for shelter, it's not where I lay my head or cry my tears. Inside is not where I share my dreams or conquer my fears. In fact, my real fortress looks a lot like this:

And it's lovely--because no one else can enter here. It's just him and me. But the outside world sees this:

He is my fortress, my shelter in the storms, the walls between myself and the big bad world outside. Here we spar, love, cry, and laugh. Safely tucked away from the eyes and reach of humanity.

So what happens if I simply accept the fact that he is my fortress and let my lonely walls crumble?


  1. This is just beautiful, lil. Well said. love, squirrel

  2. That is very sweet! We should all feel so safe and secure... I know I have never been so close to this but since I have give my control over to S... no matter how hard that is some days!

    Thank you for sharing!! That truly was beautiful! ((hugs))

  3. Speaking as one who is currently residing in the moat of his own relationship, it's a lot nicer for both parties when the drawbridge is down and the portcullis is open!

    Thanks for a lyrical post, lil!

  4. Just like the fairy tale - you live happily ever after.
    Beautiful post.

  5. squirrel, thank you.

    Mikki, thank you. It is hard some days isn't it. But well worth it!

    Dee, thank you.

    Jake, I feel like I should preface my reply with an apology--because your comment made me laugh.
    And yes, things do seem to go much better when access doesn't mean wading through the moat and climbing the walls.

    sunnygirl, unfortunately we still have to venture out into the world lol.
    Thank you.

  6. How beautiful. i know everyone else has already said that, and no i don't have anything new to say, except i LOVE the pictures you chose. So perfect.

    And i am so happy for you.


  7. Can totally relate to that!


  8. Isn't it wonderful to know you are not alone?

  9. aisha, there can never e too much "love it". Thank you!

    mouse, it's something else isn't it?

    faerie, it really is.

  10. It's a different fortress all together when *you're both* residing inside- so true. But it's hard some days to let our own walls down isn't it? This post swept me away, but gave me new thoughts- thank you for that.

  11. Must feel so nice to let the walls crumble.


  12. Elysia,
    The fortress with them inside is so very much better. It is hard though isn't it.
    Glad you enjoyed the post.

    Well, I'm working on it lol. But yes, it's definitely something else to be sure.


Play nice.