Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Value of Truth

People talk about truth a lot when it comes to D/s. But I think that truth and what you do with it is important in any context.

For me, truth earns respect. And lies...Well, there's really no quicker way to piss me off.
I have been on both ends of the spectrum--the liar and the lied to.

My dad always said that the truth was worth standing up for. No matter what. But it took him most of his life to figure out that one can still stand for truth and not have to be an ass about it lol.
And Alpha, Alpha always told me "to thine own self be true."

It's funny you know, how very absolute the truth is, yet how subjective it becomes--your truth is not my truth, my truth is not another's truth (fuck you spell check), etc.

This subject has been on my mind lately because we recently found ourselves exploring a deeply woven web of bullshit. And one of the most frustrating things about lies, is knowing the truth and seeing other people believe the lie.
But I'm trying no avoid the pit of repetitive bitching I seem to have fallen into lol, so I want to muse about truth in the context of our relationship.

Alpha expects the truth from me at all times. But he's not always happy with it. So sometimes it's tricky--there have been times where I felt like I was being punished for honesty; though, he has realized that it is not productive to demand truth and expect that he will always like what he hears.

Something funny has happened over time though--I got to the point where I could never even consider offering Alpha anything less than complete honesty. Truth became like this invisible thread binding us together, woven through every interaction we have.

For us, truth is deeply entwined in ttwd. It's what makes possible that connecting arc of energy that brings us closer than our skin, it removes the mental barriers erected over time--when you aren't hiding things in your mind, there is an opportunity for deeper connection that , I believe, cannot be achieved without honesty.

The value of truth is dependent on the individual. We find truth on the edges of the grey moral areas, those places where we are faced with internal discomfort because we have found a conflict between what we say and what we know to be true.

There's this feeling though, when you have let someone so deep into your soul, where truth chips away at our internal walls, where untruths become unbearable because it is something between you. And it dampens the spark, the connection, the ability to come out of extremes a better person in a better relationship.

Sometimes we hide our truth.. Because after all, when we are stripped bare and it is the only thing left, there is no longer anything to hide behind. There is simply our self. In all the glorious imperfection of humanity.

The value of truth varies for each individual. The truth is not always pretty. It shows us what we really are behind the walls we erect for the world. But something amazing happens when we share our unfiltered truths with another human being--truth itself becomes an unequaled form of intimacy.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything.


  1. Me neither. He may not always be happy with me, but he knows I've gotten past trying to hide. Truth is tricky but ultimately like Alpha said first we must be true to ourselves. Thanks for posting this, it's a lot I've been thinking about lately. Always nice to find a post that fits..


    1. K, glad the post fit. It's always nice when things work out like that.

  2. Honesty is a quality a require for a relationship with anyone. To be lied to, for me, is like the end of the world.

    1. viemora, I am very much like you these days. And it's true--without truth any relationship doesn't have very much going for it. No matter what kind of arrangement you have.


Play nice.