When it comes to the daily stress of being human with responsibilities, somehow our D/s became my coping mechanism.
But how can one be submissive if there is nothing to submit to? Yea, kind of like the whole stupid saying, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, does it still make a sound?" I always thought that was a ridiculous question...
I understand that Domination isn't a cakewalk. And maybe it's more of a stress than a stress reliever for him these days.
But if I am not submissive to his Dominance, what am I?
Lots of things of course.
Mostly just a highly stressed cranky mother obsessing about all the things that make her worry.
Sometimes it feels like he works really hard to get us to a point where my submission flows, where it is my first and last thought, where I am it and it is me.
Then he stops Dominating.
And I start to flounder like a stupid gasping fish without water.
Of course, this too shall pass. Everything does. But in this moment, here and now, it feels like it never will.
Alpha says that we all have our own ways of coping. And he's right. But what happens when our ways differ so very much? Well, besides me coming here to whine that is...
I meant it when I said that I was okay with whatever form his Dominance takes because it's his way. Though being okay with something can be a far cry from being happy about it lol.
He's stressed, I'm stressed, life is a big 'ole factory of friggin stress.
And I guess that, for now, my submission is about accepting that part of his way of coping is not Dominating.
Ironically, I have a tendency to throw a fit when he starts again.
I try so very damn hard to avoid convenient submission. That's not to say that I am always, or even mostly, successful...But I do try.
Maybe I need a hobby...