Thursday, June 7, 2012

Different Ways of Coping

When it comes to the daily stress of being human with responsibilities, somehow our D/s became my coping mechanism.

But how can one be submissive if there is nothing to submit to? Yea, kind of like the whole stupid saying, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, does it still make a sound?" I always thought that was a ridiculous question...

I understand that Domination isn't a cakewalk. And maybe it's more of a stress than a stress reliever for him these days.

But if I am not submissive to his Dominance, what am I?
Lots of things of course.
Mostly just a highly stressed cranky mother obsessing about all the things that make her worry.

Sometimes it feels like he works really hard to get us to a point where my submission flows, where it is my first and last thought, where I am it and it is me.
Then he stops Dominating.
And I start to flounder like a stupid gasping fish without water.

Of course, this too shall pass. Everything does. But in this moment, here and now, it feels like it never will.

Alpha says that we all have our own ways of coping. And he's right. But what happens when our ways differ so very much? Well, besides me coming here to whine that is...

I meant it when I said that I was okay with whatever form his Dominance takes because it's his way. Though being okay with something can be a far cry from being happy about it lol.

He's stressed, I'm stressed, life is a big 'ole factory of friggin stress.
And I guess that, for now, my submission is about accepting that part of his way of coping is not Dominating.

Ironically, I have a tendency to throw a fit when he starts again.
I try so very damn hard to avoid convenient submission. That's not to say that I am always, or even mostly, successful...But I do try.

Maybe I need a hobby...


  1. LOL lil, when would you have time for a hobby? I never did when my kids were younger, but maybe that's just me.

    Being ok with something can be the first step to being happy about it. Maybe with awareness and time it will evolve into something you can be happy with.

  2. faerie, lol. Yea, I think I had hobbies before kids...Does laundry count as a hobby? Because technically, they don't Need clean laundry...
    I'm sure it will evolve back into something I'm happy with. Sometimes it just feels like forever lol.
    Of course, a little verbal communication on my part probably wouldn't hurt. Ahem.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. floundering sucks.

    Ever feel dommed by the kids? LOL Hey my 3yo patient doms me.

    1. Mindset, floundering does suck. And I'm pretty sure it looks ridiculous too.
      Lol, sometimes I feel like the world revolves around the kids whether I like it or not.
      But I have them pretty convinced that I run their world. For now lol.

  5. Oh I so can relate to this post. Everything can go so smooth and I think we have a nice D/s setup, and then it just stops. I hate to admit when he stops then I stop doing my part as well, which makes things even more tense, for then he gets frustrated at me.

    But I will say it seems the longer we do this, the less time it takes for us to get back on course. I'm sure you will get back on course soon.

    1. Serenity,
      Right. Like a dam appears in the middle of our nicely flowing river and everything comes to a screeching halt while water builds up on the other side.

      Thank you for your thoughts. Soon can seem like a very long time, but I do think you are right.

  6. Wow--i can really relate to this right now. It's pretty much *exactly* what's going on in my house. He seems to relax the Dominance when there are things that are specifically stressful to Him (work, injury, etc.), which (duh) I guess makes a lot of sense. When there are stresses that apply to both of us, D/s goes okay.

    And yes, i sulk like a little girl when He reasserts Himself. Sigh.

    Hang in there. We can make it through this together?


    1. kytten,
      It kind of seems to turn into a vicious circle sometimes (does anything about ttwd not when things aren't peachy?), and it's damn hard to get out of!
      I hope your Lyon is doing better soon. It can be really difficult to adjust to their injuries. Frankly, I think that, as a sub, it's a bit easier to be the one who's having physical problems. At least there's less emotional confusion to go with it...

      Holler at me any time, my email's on the sidebar.

      Maybe we will both have a miraculous and sudden turn in the right direction!

  7. I can relate, a lot. I'm kinda like....... I cant see the forest for the trees. A bit like each tree represents some form of problem or stress and I get so caught up in looking at each individual tree, that I can't see the bigger picture, ie: the forest! And then I get overwhelmed etc! And flounder! If Mitch is lacking in dominance at this stage, you'd be as well letting me loose with a chainsaw lol! Forest massacre!
    Then I go kicking and screaming when he feels up to or ready to dominate again.

    Lol, reading over my comment, I think I've overloaded on coffee coz it makes sense to me :)

    Dee x

    1. Dee, oh lord yes, I'm so caught up in the individual leaves at this point, the forest seems to have taken over the whole damn world!
      I haven't had quite enough coffee, but it makes sense to me lol. Though now I do feel as if I'm running a bit slower...

  8. lil,

    I know this feeling oh so well. I have a LD relationship and He is in school as well as caring for his aging parents. Sometimes I feel like I'm left to fend for myself over here in my neck of the woods.

    Perhaps it's time for your Master to issue some standing orders for you to do for Him while He's not feeling so Dominant? It helps me cope! For example, I now sleep tethered to the bed by an ankle restraint with 8ft of chain. I have to masturbate and orgasm before going to sleep. (My example, individual results may vary.)

    1. wakai`ama,
      Hmmm, I have standing orders...It just doesn't seem to matter whether I follow them or not.
      Though I suppose that it I was better at this whole submissive thing, I would follow them regardless.


Play nice.