Occasionally I find myself in a bit of a quandary (yes, I said occasionally. Go ahead, finish snorting your coffee and have a good laugh. I don't mind. Really).
The thing is, one can't ask for complete honesty from their submissive and expect that they are always going to be happy with what they hear.
Admittedly, communication is not my strong point. And I'm still working on the difficult art of disagreeing respectfully (look, that's not as easy as it sounds ya'know).
Because it's so hard to open my mouth and say something that makes sense and isn't offensive. Yea...Lol.
We have this space though...It's that place with my head on resting on his knee, or laying on his chest, a place where I can say anything, and no matter what I'm saying, it's okay because my words are true.
Perhaps that's one of the things I feel most bereft of (dramatic enough you think?) when we are just floating along vanilla style--I feel like that space kind of disappears. Due in no small part to a lack of those available moments I suppose.
And ironically, my already challenged communication skills manage to deteriorate even further lol.
I could just walk up to him and say, "I need your attention, I need your control, I need that conquered feeling to know I am complete."
And yes, I did say basically that...Followed by "We don't have to be this any more." His response was totally reassuring: "You would have a nervous breakdown."
Umm...Thanks for thinking of me? Lol.
Maybe submission shouldn't be, in such a large part, about a constant need to be conquered. Perhaps one day I'll grow past that.
You know, when I quit breathing at least lol.
I crave the D/s.
It progresses past want to need.
But what I really really need, is O/our space. That place where no matter what is happening, no matter what I tell him, no matter what he decides to do, no matter what is wrong in the world, all is right with us because there is nothing coming between him and I. Not even thought.
And D/s brings us that space. Without effort, without struggle.
It just is.