Thursday, June 14, 2012

Sharing Fantasies

When I woke up this morning, I had nothing in my brain besides weird dreams about sex, showers, and very large spiders, along with a somewhat inexplicable irritation with thing2. Not nesesarily in that order or in any way connected lol. SoI was quite happy to find an inkling of something completely unrelated to any of the above in my mind lol.

I used to think of them as something to be kept locked away and never admitted to. Like a hidden shameful little gem that you never admit to having and only wear when no one is looking.
Ironically, I think that it was in being made to admit my fantasies that defined our first big steps into D/s.

Because when someone starts poking around in your mind for all those little gems you hold tight and secret, they have stepped into your inner sanctum. It begins stripping you of those walls that do so well at keeping your hidden self in and others out.

And I suppose that if your fantasies are about Unicorns and rainbows, it's not that difficult to admit them (though hmmm, Unicorns, that's beyond my kind of kink...So maybe that would be rough lol).

For me it's a bit humiliating and quite mortifying to look my husband in the eyes, (what is with the insistence on eye contact at the worst possible moments??) and admit fantasies that run the gambit of dirty from things that would be absolutely awful in real life to those that I now not so secretly, would like to come true.

The ones I would want to come true? Oh those are definitely harder to admit too, even if they are less drastic.

Does he know my deepest darkest fantasies? So far, yes. Fantasies are funny things though no? They tend to evolve with us.
Avoiding admission when he asks is not an option for me. He wants to know and he'll get that knowledge one way or another.

Has he told me his darkest fantasies? Truth be told, I don't know. I think that I do know his favorite one, and my part in it is small--as an unwilling observer so to speak.
He has told me fantasies that shocked the shit out of me but after thought, became something that I could rather easily see myself participating in.

Admission of our darkest fantasies, the thoughts and images we hold to ourselves in the dark, the ones that make us dripping wet with shame, that admission brings us closer.
Because we keep them so close inside ourselves. Hidden safely from the world. Until someone comes in and begins exploring the dark corners, dissecting what makes us tick. Or drip as the case may be.

Sometimes fantasies are the last vestiges of the things we keep as our own. And when we share them, not only are they no longer our personal inner property, they have served up that which we find most shameful and hot, into the hands of another.
So there is wonder about what they will do with those fantasies--will we be judged and condemned? Will they come to fruition? Or will they be accepted and stored away in that personal dungeon created inside our relationship?


  1. Fantasies can be trickie little dark secrets. But are more fun when shared!

    1. Kindred,
      I have a huge squirm factor when it comes to admitting my fantasies. Maybe that's why I find the subject so fascinating...

  2. Fantasies are so hard to admit too. When I feel like sharing, it is usually when it is dark, and we are very close.

    1. Julia,
      I'm with you there! I often get a hard time for talking too fast. But when it comes to telling my fantasies, one sentence can take me 20 minutes lol.

  3. They will be what you make of them - they can remain fantasies or become reality and only you are the judge and jury. It's MYOB to anyone else until and unless you choose to share. Anyway, that's the way I see it.

    1. sunnygirl,
      "They will be what you make of them" That's a wonderfully plagiarisable statement! Lol. And that really is the neatest thing about fantasies.

  4. Beautifully said! Often lately, mouse has been rather cautious in revealing her secret passions or fantasies. But there is one that's itching to come to the surface -- just not sure...

    That's the way it is, just keep going back and would be so very much easier, if they could simply read our thoughts and this (or that). Thanks for writing this, it really resonated with mouse.


    1. mouse,
      thank you for this comment.
      For the most part, people seem to feel that fantasies are private events and not to be shared...Whereas While talking about them does make me want to crawl under a rock sometimes, I do feel that each one I share takes away one more tiny barrier between us.

      I have so often wished he could just reach into my head and pull these things out! It would save me ages of stammering my way through...

  5. I don't know that I have ever shared my much of my fantasies, though I know they have evolved over the years. They trend to the dark side these days, lol.

    1. faerie, lol, but that's one of the coolest things about them--they are whatever we want. And when one's to soft, we can make them darker. And harder to admit to lol.


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