This week is insane. What on earth made me think it was a good idea to do the good parenting bit and enroll them in a week long soccer camp guaranteeing myself three hours a day in the car and a work schedule that is just plain wrong?
But, as much as I tried to turn it off, my mind is still rolling. So before I curl up and--oh wait, they need food too?! Wtf--ahem, before I eventually go to sleep, I thought I would get rid of some excess brain clutter.
The other day, someone asked me if Alpha and I had always had this dynamic. My answer was an automatic "no."
Then I started thinking (still trying to quit that. What can I say), in a way this arrangement of power was not new to us.
I think that the realization of how far it could be taken, and that we could agree on it as a way of life was new. And the agreement that it wasn't a game and that's how our relationship was going to be structured settled our power struggles to a minimum.
Really though, those realizations and agreements did change things in a huge way.
Looking back at how far we have come makes me smile. It reminds me how far we have come. And that perhaps much of my internal struggle and worry is totally unnecessary--because where we are is no longer where we were, and where we are going is like one of those roads that wanders so far into the distance that you can't see the end of it.
And you can't make it anywhere by skipping steps. You just take your time and travel your path and the beauty comes in the discoveries made along the way.
What a nice reminder about the steps. It is hard, but H just said tonight that we have some good consistencies going.
ReplyDeleteKitty, it's so easy to get stuck staring at the trees and forget about the forest isn't it.
DeleteThank you for this. It's a very nice reminder for me, as I'm just starting down the road...
ReplyDeletereneerose,
DeleteI think that feeling of having to e "there" Now can be very overwhelming in the beginning (sometimes it still gets me--years later).
Nicely said lil :)
ReplyDeleteDee x
Thank you Dee.
Deletegosh dont stop thinking lil lol
ReplyDeleteI think its good to look back and reflect on how far we have come as people and in relationships, sometimes its in horror lol but mostly its good to look back and think...yes progress has been made even when it doesnt at times feel like it.
tori x
tori, lol--maybe what I need is a mental dam capable of keeping it in and letting it out at will. My rain-to-mouth filter has been malfunctioning for years lol.
DeleteAnd I do think that sometimes it is easier to see where we are by taking a little peek back at where we were.
Thats a very eloquent way of putting things. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteThank you FA.
DeleteYou are so right lil. It is especially good to look back when you feel like you are in a rut, it helps put things in perspective when you see how far you have come.
ReplyDeletedancingbarez,
DeleteYes, ruts are the perfect place to look back from! Because it's so easy to forget progress and focus on the setbacks.
Perfect!
ReplyDeletegg,
DeleteThank you very much!
We've always had this dynamic, we came into it as Ward & June. But I think if we hadn't, we would definitely have ended up here anyway. We are always evolving, always growing, and that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteJune, right--sometimes it doesn't much matter where we started from because we'll end up in the same place anyways. And yes, growth is good!
Delete