I realized something as I was musing about how long we have been together, and was it really true that we had been at this whole D/s thing 5 or 6 years (hey, anyone will tell you that years spent at home with kids will warp your sense of time. And damage your adult vocabulary).
I realized that, for all my struggles with active submission which seems to be accompanied by inactive Dominance, my struggles are somewhat superficial.
If the relationship is the cake and D/s is the icing, then most of my issues round ttwd are about the sprinkles. And you know, sprinkles are important too--bad ones can ruin a perfectly good cake with delicious icing.
Over time, many aspects of the exchange of power just are. They become an automatic part of life.
Like how the final say is always his. Even if he adapts my view of disagreement, my way only happens if he decides it does.
Or the way I take him the coffee in the morning no matter what--it just is. I don't even think about it. I take my first drink after fixing it up and hand it over until he decides to hand it back. Anyone who shouldn't be spoken to before their morning coffee can appreciate the magnitude of that one lol.
And the way I always check before spending money even though I'm the thrifty one.
Or how I automatically look for his okay no matter what.
And the dismay I feel if I cook something he doesn't like...
There's so much that just...Is.
And somehow over time, all those things and more became the way we live.
I get distracted by the sprinkles, but they can be added at his will and in the end, they don't have all that much to do with our basic structure. Though the process of scraping them off can be a real pain.
I tend to focus so much on the aspects I struggle most with, that I sometimes overlook the things that have become part of who we are.