Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Connection of Extremes

I often say that I don't crave sex, but I do crave D/s, and I'm sticking to that claim.

I crave pain and intensity, control and and stillness. I crave the connection that comes with certain events.

Intimacy is very much dependent on personal views. My favorite one in writing happens to be Jz's (in all fairness I linked to the revisited one because it's the one I could find. Labels are very helpful for those of us who are rather slow on the uptake. Just sayin. lol).

I would like to say that my most perfected skill was something really useful and impressive. It's not. What I'm really good at is building walls. I also do moats and boiling oil!
I'm pretty good at disconnecting from my body too. It's a questionable skill that usually rears it's head at the least convenient times.

But there are certain activities wherein I don't crave the activity itself, sometimes I even abhor the activity, but I crave the intimacy it brings.
I don't equate sex with intimacy. Perhaps because I spent so long checking out anytime it occurred...

I equate pain, control, and intensity with intimacy.

For me the connection happens when our energies are so mingled that I cannot separate the two. It becomes the ultimate and literal mindfuck (a post of its own perhaps). Sometimes it doesn't even require much physical connection. But in that moment, he knows he has me completely. "You want me to walk on hot coals? I'm no longer capable of remembering what those are, but sure!" (it's an example people. Don't take me so literally).

It's that connection, the place where disconnecting from him becomes an absolute impossibility, that scares the daylights out of me. It's also the place where I find the most peace.
It's that space where I becomes disconnected completely from worry, where reality fades away, and there is nothing besides us and the moment we share.
It can take some extremes to get me to that place of extreme intimacy. But that's where I want to be.

Can you tell I'm craving?


  1. I originally thought I needed to have the sex along with the S/M. Come to find out, I don't. Yes, I like sex, but I don't crave it so much as long as I have the pain/intimacy and the orgasms that go with pain. Because sometimes he just wants to give me the latter without the sex.

    1. ancilla,
      I have to admit that there are times I prefer the control/pain/intimacy without the sex. Especially if I really want sex (that doesn't make much sense to read...)Though I should probably not admit that where he is going to come along and read it. I'll be kicking myself later lol.

  2. Given a choice between sex and an s/m session i will go with the s/m almost nearly every time, thats not to say i dont enjoy sex as i do but s/m provides me with sexual relief and i prefer the intesity of it, in many ways i find it more initimate than having sex.

    I have wandered if the intimacy feels more because when engaging in s/m most notably when its a harder session then its when i am at my most vunerable, when i feel 'broken',exposed and totally dependent on him...i dont get those emotions through sex alone.


    1. tori,
      I think that it's easier to avoid the deep level of intimacy with sex than it is with s/m. It's not quite as much of an overwhelming soul-baring feeling.

  3. I too feel more intimacy after a s/m session rather than sex. I get A LOT of enjoyment from sex, of course but it's something about being in that vulnerable spot that creates deeper intimacy for me. Lately Master will dole out a bit of pain and then I have to beg for the intensity I crave. Begging for pain like that has caused an intimacy that is hard to explain.

    I hope your craving gets satisfied very soon.

    1. dancingbarez,
      lat night was looking promising until one of my "world ends here while brains feel like they're falling out" headaches kicked in lol.

      Maybe sex isn't as vulnerable of an activity, so the intimacy is not as intense because of that...

  4. "What I'm really good at is building walls. I also do moats and boiling oil!"

    I read that and chuckled to myself. Good to know I'm not the only one building elaborate castles! Though I'm finding out that the castle I have isn't quite as sturdy as I thought. It was recently described as a "safe with glass walls" LOL

    I agree that BDSM does more for me than sex itself. Because the BDSM aspects help get the person into my head, if done right. Which is why it becomes so intimate. Add in pain and that intimacy is cemented for some time.

    1. simplyHis,
      Ooh, you have that nice fort across the way from me? Nice to identify the neighbors lol.
      And yes, Alpha builds things for a living and tends to scoff at my walls--they aren't quite as impressive as they used to be. Though they are surprisingly difficult to broach from the inside.

      Control does more for me than pain. But pain is a bit like a fast track ropes over the walls way of getting there sometimes.

  5. Wow.
    I betray you over the furniture rearrangement and you STILL link to me? (she says, glossing over the label-heckling portion of the program...)

    You da best!

    Seriously though, that space?
    I think it's what centers us, holds us, grounds us.
    So even tho' it may scare the snot out of us, we still can't stay away.

    1. Jz,
      Yes, I still adore you despite the bitter betrayal.
      Though I did just have to include the heckling portion--in the interests of fairness and all lol.

      It is a very magnetic and important kind of space isn't it.

  6. Best is both together, or one right after the other. (Sex/BDSM)


Play nice.