I read DD blogs, D/s blogs, the occasional sex blog (okay, only if it has D/s. I'm terribly biased), in short--I have been known to find myself all over the place in Blogland. Especially given the time to do so, which admittedly, hasn't been much lately.
But I have noticed some rather prevalent thoughts and comments on the occasional DD blog--the thought that sadism and BDSM in general are unhealthy predilections and those who participate (or are seen as doing so by the occasional judgmental commenter), are mentally unhealthy people.
Being the freaky thing that I am, I find these kinds of statements rather irritating.
Inevitably, the Blogger will come to the defense of themselves or
their significant other, "He (I), am not a sadist! It is inconceivable
to be seen that way!"
And that's fine, no one really wants to be seen as something they aren't (okay, well a fair amount of people do, but only when it comes to something they conceive of as being a good thing). And we are all certainly prone to defend ourselves and our loved ones. Especially when our relationship is good.
The thing is, such defenses seem to only compound the belief that sadomasochism and D/s are bad things--as if pain and the taking and giving of power are only acceptable in a disciplinary format.
I'm not dissing on DD or the people who practice it--whatever floats the boat. If it works for you and your marriage, more power to you! It's a wonderful thing. And I find that many of the DD blogs I read exhibit an amount of humor that leaves me grinning from ear to ear.
Sometimes it just looks like people see DD as pure, whereas BDSM is some abhorrent predilection to be grouped with rapists and people of poor moral ilk.
Just because someone likes to spank his wife, does not make him a controlling sadist. And even if he is, so what?
There's a difference between the controlling sadist and the abusive jerk. Promise. That's not to say that the two are mutually exclusive, just that one does not automatically equal the other.
I do not see BDSM in general as an unhealthy predilection. Though I can see how it could be for some people. The thing is? Those people have bigger issues that they choose to express through BDSM.
I have fantasies that make even Alpha raise his eyebrows, and ones that make me cringe to admit to him. I enjoy things that some people probably find quite abhorrent.
But I will be the first person to haul someone's kid out of the street, help an abused woman find a new life, and promote death by beating for child molesters.
People give me the keys to their homes because they know they will never have to doubt the safety of their houses and the things in them.
Alpha undoubtedly has a sadistic streak. But he will be the first person to step in if he thinks someone is being abusive to a woman, child, or animal. He will (sometimes rather unfortunately), give almost anyone a second chance and a hand up (as long as they weren't guilty of one of the above infractions).
We are what we are. And just because some of us like our canvas painted with slightly different colors, does not mean that one wide brush can paint us all as having abhorrent predilections.