Okay, I know that I have been on this whole "Intimacy" kick and this is going to sound slightly contrary, but I'm okay with that lol.
I haven't quite gotten this one figured out, so grab some coffee and get ready to give me the answers to life's mysteries. I'll take notes.
There are times when we are "playing" (I need another suitable term. That one really doesn't fit with what I have in mind), and Alpha becomes detached. He watches me with a slightly inquisitive predatory eye, and exudes a sense of detachment that makes me tremble.
Ummm....I love it. It turns me into a dripping, malleable, ball of goo. Attractive visual huh.
Why I love being close to him, yet am so totally turned on by his detachment, is still somewhat of a mystery to me.
Does it really matter why that turns me on so much? Well no...I don't think so...But still...
I wonder if it's that part of me that gets off on fear but usually rests secure in the fact that he loves me?
Not that I doubt his love at those times...But I am well aware that his love for me won't stop or change what he decides to do.
Perhaps it is about control--at those times he seems so extremely in control of himself that I can help but yield to it?
Maybe it's because he's letting something out that he usually keeps locked up...
In those moments he doesn't look at me like his wife. He looks at me like some kind of experiment where things are carefully added and taken away depending on the result, and all variables are controlled and adjusted by him.
Nothing that I do or say will change what is happening. I simply am...For him.
And there you have it--in the course of a few short paragraphs, I have decided that it doesn't matter why his detachment is such a huge turn-on for me.
As a state of life, it's not something that I could live with and feel loved and happy. But those times when it does happen? I love them.