Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Detached Observer

Okay, I know that I have been on this whole "Intimacy" kick and this is going to sound slightly contrary, but I'm okay with that lol.

I haven't quite gotten this one figured out, so grab some coffee and get ready to give me the answers to life's mysteries. I'll take notes.

There are times when we are "playing" (I need another suitable term. That one really doesn't fit with what I have in mind), and Alpha becomes detached. He watches me with a slightly inquisitive predatory eye, and exudes a sense of detachment that makes me tremble.
Ummm....I love it. It turns me into a dripping, malleable, ball of goo. Attractive visual huh.
Still though...

Why I love being close to him, yet am so totally turned on by his detachment, is still somewhat of a mystery to me.
Does it really matter why that turns me on so much? Well no...I don't think so...But still...

I wonder if it's that part of me that gets off on fear but usually rests secure in the fact that he loves me?
Not that I doubt his love at those times...But I am well aware that his love for me won't stop or change what he decides to do.

Perhaps it is about control--at those times he seems so extremely in control of himself that I can help but yield to it?

Maybe it's because he's letting something out that he usually keeps locked up... 

In those moments he doesn't look at me like his wife. He looks at me like some kind of experiment where things are carefully added and taken away depending on the result, and all variables are controlled and adjusted by him.
Nothing that I do or say will change what is happening. I simply am...For him.

And there you have it--in the course of a few short paragraphs, I have decided that it doesn't matter why his detachment is such a huge turn-on for me.

As a state of life, it's not something that I could live with and feel loved and happy. But those times when it does happen? I love them.


  1. I blogged about these emotions a while back because its something that intrigues me, the bossman is very similar in that when we are 'playing' (i dont particularly like that term either but what else fits?!) especially if its to the harder end of the bdsm spectrum then he does detach himself.

    Mostly this does not bother me, like yourself if anything it arouses me further, i have come to the conclusion that i do indeed get off on the fear that this instills in me even though i know im safe.

    I have noticed though that he does tend to become more detached when its s/m thats purely to sate his needs and i know im going to be in for a rough time, i am merely a 'body' to use, i dislike it a lot at that the time but its afterwards that im buzzing because i have endured for him.

    Its one of those scenarios that comes under the 'i hate it, but i love it because i have no choice' situations lol


    1. tori,
      I think that it's easier to get off on the fear knowing we are safe.
      It's interesting to me how much I can dislike something when it's happening and love it afterwards lol.

      Funny how we can love it because we have no choice and would just hate it if we did have a choice...Not sure I'm making sense. Half a cup of coffee doesn't go that far for me lol.

  2. When you are with someone you trust absolutely, so many things that would bother you or seem weird in real life become exciting. You get to access the full range of human behavior which is part biologic, part intellectual and part sensory. And it is not something that you could have anywhere else.

    So, I think it is part illicit, part desire and part absolute safety within those items that makes you love that which you recognize as potentially uncomfortable.

    Okay, I have only had my first half cup of coffee, but that was my best shot for the morning. :)

    1. wow. and a wonderful shot it was too... as i bet the coffee was as well.

      that was very eloquent and succinct.

    2. Kitty,
      Ooh, that was damn good for half a cup of coffee. What do you do when you've had 2, take over the world?

      Thank you for your clear and succinct thoughts.

  3. lil: Really like this background.
    When you find a new term for "playing" please share but it does get the meaning across.
    Ahhh! Love that detachment.
    For would be because the expression of intimacy, the expression of control, of domiance is just appearing as detachment. He's still in the room, he's watching me, he's holding me as his object so there for it isn't really detachment. Emotional detachment would be a different thing, altogether.

    1. Bleuame,
      I like it too--I might even be able to keep it for more than a week! Lol.

      Emotional detachment is different isn't it? I would think that if the person didn't really care for you it could be a terrible experience. I guess it's just another one of those things that can be awfully ad or wonderfully good depending on the people and context.

  4. I haven't thought much in terms of detachment before but I recognise that Mitch does this too on occasion. I think for me, its a case of not knowing where, how far he's going to take me and the fact I have no choice that is the turn on. When he detaches that little bit, it kinda makes it more real? If you know what I mean.

    Dee x

    1. Dee,
      I do know what you mean.
      And anticipation can be such a turn on. I think there is a bit more of it when they exhibit that detachment.

  5. The idea that it doesn't matter why something turns you on, be it spanking, objectification, or your partner's detachment is an important lesson I think. There's no telling how all the wires are plugged into one's brain--it's a rat's nest in just about everyone's head, I think, with no wiring diagram available to map the connections out. Tracing wires may not lead to any better understanding. It's enough to understand the outcome of all those connections, I think, and simply enjoy what works.

    At least, that's what I tell Joy...

    1. Jake,
      I agree--it's an important lesson. One that is sometimes crystal clear, and other times I tend to forget it completely. So whenever I get there I'm happy. Until I forget again...

      You mean you guys don't have the wiring diagram??

  6. I am gonna go with it being a control thing - perhaps it is simply the fact that he is exuding total control of his attention toward you at that point.

    1. viemora,
      I hadn't thought of it like that before...But I think you might really have something there. I'm going to have to think about that...


Play nice.