I love being tied up, who doesn't? Don't answer that...
As much as I enjoy physical bonds, there is something to be said for the invisible kind.
The kind made solely of his will.
To be ordered into a position and told to hold it, to keep those hands just as they are,knees just so, head angled exactly like that, shoulders back, or chest pressed to the floor...
To be held in place by the control of his will alone...
For as long as he wishes
for no other reason than because he said so...
At first, I always wonder, why? A question inevitably followed by, "How long?".
I firmly believe that there is not one single position on earth which will not eventually become uncomfortable if you hold it long enough. It is always in that discomfort that time becomes a concern for me.
How long have I been there?
How long will I remain there?
What is he doing?
Is he looking?
Is he ignoring me completely? Something which shouldn't be hot, but it is...
Surely, it's been ages, but then again, maybe it has only been a few minutes...
There is an incredible desire to fidget,to chase all those thoughts which flit through my mind.
My mind is so loud, my body is uncomfortable, I can hear every little sound in the house, there's a draft, the cats want food, I forgot to buy cabbage, I really hope the insurance settlement doesn't go to litigation, my head hurts...
It is in that hyper awareness that I realize none of it matters.
And the answers to why and how long, become clear:
because he can,
and as long as it pleases him.
Then, ever so slowly, quiet settles in and I feel myself sinking slowly into space.
All that matters is staying right there.
All I think, and all that I feel, is for him.
All that I am is wrapped up in the chains of his will, and his will alone.
Oh yes, it is the invisible chains that bind most tightly, it is the hidden bonds which hold most true, it is those expressions of his will which glow most brightly unseen.