Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Wanting and Willing

I have had a lot of little epiphanies lately (it obviously still remains to be seen if I can actually put them into practice for an extended period of time).
It is quite probable that I have not yet consumed enough coffee for this post to make any semblance of sense. Perhaps consuming copious amounts of caffeine while muddling one's way through it is advisable...

One of the things I have realized, is that submission is not about always being wanting, or even wanting at all--it is about being willing.

Submission is very much about letting go of want. Duh, right?

My greatest submissive issues, our most blatant D/s based conflicts, many of my internal struggles, so many of those issues have taken shape, in some form or fashion, from my wants.

He reminds me. With a sharp slap, with a gentle caress of my cheek, in the way his eyes apologize silently for my own folly, and sometimes with words alone, he reminds me that wanting is the wrong approach.

"It's not about what you do or do not want, little one. You want too much, and you know that you can't be happy if I give you everything you want--that is not what you need.
You need me to make you let go of your wants, because this is not about what you want, it's about what I want. And that, babydoll, is what you need."

There is so much truth in that statement, it's not even cool.

I have come so far from the original thought I started this post with, I have no clue how to tie it all back together...Excuse me while I attempt to muddle through over here...

If submission is not about wanting, how then does one deal with the concept of wanting to do things that they want, when one really really does not actually want to do them? Yes, that is what my mind sounds like, and no, it's not much clearer from here.
That is when, I think, one must be willing. Doing the things they want when we want those things too, is easy. The challenge, the true test if you will, is submitting when we don't want to. And to do that, requires a certain, and deep level of willingness.

Humans have a vast variety of wants, and want in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. I think though, if one wants to live M/s, as the s, want can become an impediment to growth and development of power exchange.

What then though when he wants me wanting, yet I do not...? There I believe, is where willing comes in. I won't always be wanting what he wants me to want. I simply cannot do so, but I can be always willing.

Even when one is unwilling, to acquiesce to his desires anyways, becomes its own form of willing. Because that is what bending to the will of another is all about.

Submission is about that moment when he asks something of me that I truly do not want to do, but I am  willing to do it anyways, because our M/s is not about what I want. And that is, frustratingly enough, what I need.


  1. I couldn't agree more, especially with your last paragraph. I think you stated it beautifully!

  2. I love this line, "I won't always be wanting what he wants me to want."

    1. Tiklish,
      thank you. Glad it made sense!

  3. i find it a little scary that despite your warnings, i understood all of that. Probably because it echoes the ramblingness of my brain. i very much agree with you and have found myself mulling/musing/stumbling over these very same ideas recently. Though i applaud you because my attempt to explain these thoughts to Master made far less sense.

    1. scarlet,
      that is scary lol--barely understood it myself.
      Thank you.

  4. I don't usually drink coffee, but I think I need it. My brains seems to be muddled.

    1. sunnygirl,
      lmao! Is it wrong of me to admit that that's pretty much what I thought when I tried to read it? Except for the don't usually drink coffee part...Was more like, maybe I should have a fourth...

  5. I never read your posts without drinking copious amounts of coffee beforehand :)
    I get this post. I just don't do it because I prefer submitting when I choose. Which of course isn't submitting at all. Ooh look, I think I've had an epiphany of my own, heehee

    Oh...... I miss you too :)

    Dee x

    1. Dee,
      Lol! Now that's how it's done!

      I think that is submitting, just one of the many varied forms which exist...A fun one at that, or so it sounds lol. I do hope that you keep the coffee handy when you read my replies too. Apparently, it's necessary....

  6. Yes, willingness.
    Also, for me, it was realizing the point.
    The destination, if you will, of where all of this M/s road is supposed to take it.
    And when I consider that, at times it does making giving ground easier, especially when I don't want to.
    Because it may be his wants that are steering us, but all of it is for our combined happiness--and it helps me to hold to this philosophy .

  7. Thank you for this post. I really really really needed to read this. I am having such a hard time right now with my submission....sometimes I think this isn't for me. I can't do this. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Subrina,
      Glad the timing worked out so well, and you found something relevant here!

  8. great post!

    I look at it this way...

    I want to make Him happy. That is my main purpose. Actually, I NEED to make Him happy. Now, in order to make Him happy it means that I will need to be what He wants, when He wants it, and to the degree He wants and needs it. Am I willing to do it? Yes, because I need to make Him happy. I need to make His day better. I need to see that smile on His face. I need to hear "good girl", I need to know that from what i did, He was able to take what He wanted and needed because I was willing to give it, regardless. '

  9. I love your last 2 paragraphs. Being willing is what it's all about. Another great thought provoking post Lil. Thank you :)


    1. Roz,
      thank you!
      I glad that they were at least somewhat legible.


Play nice.