It is quite probable that I have not yet consumed enough coffee for this post to make any semblance of sense. Perhaps consuming copious amounts of caffeine while muddling one's way through it is advisable...
One of the things I have realized, is that submission is not about always being wanting, or even wanting at all--it is about being willing.
Submission is very much about letting go of want. Duh, right?
My greatest submissive issues, our most blatant D/s based conflicts, many of my internal struggles, so many of those issues have taken shape, in some form or fashion, from my wants.
He reminds me. With a sharp slap, with a gentle caress of my cheek, in the way his eyes apologize silently for my own folly, and sometimes with words alone, he reminds me that wanting is the wrong approach.
"It's not about what you do or do not want, little one. You want too much, and you know that you can't be happy if I give you everything you want--that is not what you need.
You need me to make you let go of your wants, because this is not about what you want, it's about what I want. And that, babydoll, is what you need."
There is so much truth in that statement, it's not even cool.
I have come so far from the original thought I started this post with, I have no clue how to tie it all back together...Excuse me while I attempt to muddle through over here...
If submission is not about wanting, how then does one deal with the concept of wanting to do things that they want, when one really really does not actually want to do them? Yes, that is what my mind sounds like, and no, it's not much clearer from here.
That is when, I think, one must be willing. Doing the things they want when we want those things too, is easy. The challenge, the true test if you will, is submitting when we don't want to. And to do that, requires a certain, and deep level of willingness.
Humans have a vast variety of wants, and want in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. I think though, if one wants to live M/s, as the s, want can become an impediment to growth and development of power exchange.
What then though when he wants me wanting, yet I do not...? There I believe, is where willing comes in. I won't always be wanting what he wants me to want. I simply cannot do so, but I can be always willing.
Even when one is unwilling, to acquiesce to his desires anyways, becomes its own form of willing. Because that is what bending to the will of another is all about.
Submission is about that moment when he asks something of me that I truly do not want to do, but I am willing to do it anyways, because our M/s is not about what I want. And that is, frustratingly enough, what I need.