I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Even more so than usual, I suppose. I'm not entirely sure that it's a healthy addiction...
And I wonder...
I am to please
such is the purpose of a slave, is it not?
To be pleasing
to bring pleasure and joy
to bare one's truth and offer up one's soul
to surpass the limits of human connection
and explore the depths of depravity
to be the one constant in a world devoid of stability
to serve and surrender
to live for that smile of appreciation
and take the ultimate leap of faith
to breath at his command
and accept that forever never ends
to hand over your pleasure and pain
and strive for the elusive "Good girl"
to give up control of your days
and getting your own way
to give all that one has
and all that one is
to exist simply for the "Mine" whispered quietly into the darkness
to know that purpose is defined by him
to be human as his human being.
To be what pleases him.
And if he does not find me pleasing...Then perhaps I am not really what I have thought myself to be.
Wow, this is raw beauty in all its poetic form. Sorry you find it a questionable addiction, I think it's courageously reflective. Definitely touched on my own recent ponderings. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAngelina,
Deletethank you.
There is perhaps a fine line with the whole business of thinking--introspection is important for growth, but over-thinking can wreak such havoc...
lil,
ReplyDeleteYou paint the big picture, the ideal, so wonderfully.... And then the last line - my reaction was, "Who could possibly live up to that - what you've described up to that point?" It's a grand view and it's the fleeting moments. It's what we all pursue, what keeps us going, our touchstones and our faith.
Then there's all the rest, the in between, the everyday that makes the grand view and the fleeting moments shine in comparison. I fall into this same pit - i look inside my head and i know that i am sometimes the good things, but also at times distracted, contrary, pouting, self-centered, blah, blah, and it goes on. I'm not always oriented to him in every thought and action, i'm not even always trying as hard as i possibly can, and i know i'm not always pleasing (cuz, thank god, he can't actually see in my head).
But he keeps me, he wants me, as i am, or as he is making me. And, slavery and all that aside, he wants all of me, and he know what that entails. I have to believe Alpha is the same. And knowing that - i think - is what makes the slavery and the striving to be pleasing possible at all.
gg,
Deletethis is such a thoughtful comment, that I feel as if I should have paragraphs worth of response for it.
All I have though, is thank you. Really, sincerely, from the bottom of my angsty little heart, thank you.
And lol@ thank god he can't actually see inside your head--I know the feeling.
Very, very pretty lil. That's it, isn't it? What they want? Not what we think they should want or what we've read they should want, but what they really want...
ReplyDeleteHugs,
mouse
Thank you, mouse.
DeleteYes, I think that it is. A concept that is so incredibly simple in it's complexity...