I got really caught up in a couple of things he said when we had our....discussion, the other night:
That I want ttwd on my terms, and the concept of being "work".
I acknowledge the former as unacceptable behavior that I still
Well, that one could be thought to death, could it not?
I know that it's not easy to get me to that place where I can really enjoy sex. I am grateful for the time he takes to ensure my pleasure. Oddly enough, I am also grateful for the times he takes what he wants without a care for my enjoyment. Overall though, he prefers me willing and wanting.
I am aware that Dominating takes discipline and (among many other things) a distinct kind of energy exertion, and that this all requires a certain amount of work.
It is the suggestion that said exertion does not become a cyclical exchange wherein mutual needs are met, which is bothering me.
I admire and appreciate the dedication necessary to make our brand of D/s what it is, and experience has taught me that relationships take work. But I don't want to be work.
I want fucking me to be pleasurable
I need Dominating me to fill a need in his being
I want to be his oasis in the desert of life
I want to be his relief, to feel myself as the source of his release
I want to go to sleep each and every night, knowing that I have pleased him in some way.
I don't want to be "Work". He has quite enough of that in his life.
All that, with a whole lot of "I want"...