I got really caught up in a couple of things he said when we had our....discussion, the other night:
That I want ttwd on my terms, and the concept of being "work".
I acknowledge the former as unacceptable behavior that I still
The latter...
Well, that one could be thought to death, could it not?
I know that it's not easy to get me to that place where I can really enjoy sex. I am grateful for the time he takes to ensure my pleasure. Oddly enough, I am also grateful for the times he takes what he wants without a care for my enjoyment. Overall though, he prefers me willing and wanting.
I am aware that Dominating takes discipline and (among many other things) a distinct kind of energy exertion, and that this all requires a certain amount of work.
It is the suggestion that said exertion does not become a cyclical exchange wherein mutual needs are met, which is bothering me.
I admire and appreciate the dedication necessary to make our brand of D/s what it is, and experience has taught me that relationships take work. But I don't want to be work.
I want fucking me to be pleasurable
I need Dominating me to fill a need in his being
I want to be his oasis in the desert of life
I want to be his relief, to feel myself as the source of his release
I want to go to sleep each and every night, knowing that I have pleased him in some way.
I don't want to be "Work". He has quite enough of that in his life.
All that, with a whole lot of "I want"...
'All that, with a whole lot of "I want"..'
ReplyDeleteaw, poor lil! (((Hugs)))
I can also be an awful lot of work, never mind just regarding sex, but just to live with. Fortunately, so is he in many ways, we frequently comment on how we have to stick together because noone else would put up with us!
mamacrow,
Deleteit really did look like an awful lot of whining for wants when I read it, lol. Thank you.
I think that we are all work sometimes...
Lil,
ReplyDeleteBig, giant hugs on this one.
"Work"
Hmm.
.
Bleuame,
Deletethank you!
Yes, "hmm" sums it up pretty well--I really could think this one to death.
I really get this. Sometimes after a bad day, I can be very insecure and emotional and lots of 'work' just to get me in that 'subby' place he likes me in. I have so much guilt with this. Especially when he's had a long day at his day job and then has to deal with getting me back to that 'happy subby place'.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be 'work' either.
hugs,
aurora
Aurora,
DeleteI think that we are all like that sometimes, and it takes effort to get back to where we should be. But...He had a valid point in that it shouldn't always be that way.
Well, i do "i wants" too. I think many of us do. Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteI feel ya, yes i do!
Fondles,
Deleteon the bright side, there's good company and coffee...
I think we are all in that same place we don't want to be work but we all know we are A LOT of work!!!!
ReplyDeletebrattyredsub,
DeleteI think that relationships and ttwd take work to make them...work. But there has to be some balance...
I can relate to this, and I agree with your list of wants. I'm not work. But Master definitely can be. As for my enjoyment, I like him to take what he wants without concerning himself with my pleasure, because it turns me on mentally that way, and because I don't get much physical pleasure from sex no matter whether he tries or not. But if he does what he wants with me, I get emotional pleasure/satisfaction out of it. As for Master being work, I don't like feeling as if I have two jobs, so I need him to show signs of appreciation for all that I do and the amount of effort I put into it. Not necessarily in words, since that never happens, but pleasure sounds and enthusiasm is good.
ReplyDeletet1klish,
Deleteit's interesting isn't it, that pleasure from them doing whatever they want...
And i agree, knowing that one is pleasing makes a huge difference!
When I first told my husband about D/s one of the first things he said was "sounds like a lot of work," ugh, talk about popping my balloon. I, like you, want this to be a release for him, an enjoyment, like watching sports but better... I think I'm naive to think anything would be better than sports for him lol
ReplyDeleteI think the only thing we can do is to keep trying to do our best.
Misty,
DeleteOoh, nothing like a nice balloon popping...I'm not a fan!
I think that it can/should be both-it fulfills a need and is enjoyable, but it takes work to make it really good. Dominance is...Responsibility. And that takes effort.
And yes, we do the best we can.
*hugs* .... a lot of this i could have written about Sir and i and the TTWD...
ReplyDeleteHis Slut,
Deleteit is interesting the things that come up, is it not...
It takes a lot to keep me in place at times..im a lot of work.were woman
ReplyDeleteDaisy,
Deletewell yes, women do seem to be a lot of work lol. But it shouldn't always be work. There should also be that flow...
Rather than see it as being 'work' in a negative light perhaps look it as simply working together to both get in the place you both want to be at......because it does take both.
ReplyDeletex
tori,
DeleteIn retrospect this post is...It's lacking the perspective of following conversations I suppose lol.
Yes, it most certainly does take both!
Hey Lil, I think many of us feel the same way. I know I can be hard work too and don't to be. I'm totally with you on your list of wants.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
Roz,
DeleteI am selfishly happy to find myself in such good company.