Sunday, September 21, 2014

A Question of Going From Dominant to Submissive

I got several responses to my plea for inspiration. Thanks again!

Foxy Canidae asked a few questions that I am going to milk for all they are worth, and break into three posts. Might as well make the most of it, right?

Without further ado...

"Has there been a time where you had to have a more dominant personality with others and found it difficult to bring your submissive side back out when around your Master? How did you do it?"

I think that, overall, I tend to project a fairly Dominant personality. Mostly because I don't like being pushed around, and projecting a more Dominant persona makes it much easier to avoid that inner urge to accede to the Dominant personalities I may come into contact with.

This question is actually something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. Specifically as it relates to working, but it's also applicable to any situation where I have to be in charge and then switch gears back to submissive.

Most recently, and with a momentous impact, was my mother' big surgery. After months of playing patient's advocate, taking care of her, and not living at home, I'm still trying to "bounce back". I've been home since June(?) and, though it pains me to admit, I still haven't managed to come completely back around to where I should be.

As a general course, it has always been very difficult for me to switch from "work" mode, to "submissive" mode. This was, as you might imagine, somewhat of an issue when I was working regularly. It's also something I have been contemplating rather extensively with the prospect of possibly being able to get a management position next year.

It's one of those double edged sword things which I hate love so much--the more "in charge" I am, the more I crave D/s. Yet, at the same time, it is extremely difficult for me to switch out of management mode and actually submit at the end of the day.

How did I do it? Um...Truthfully, not very well.

We did implement a few routines to help me leave my whole "I'm in charge" attitude at the door--he would meet me, kiss me on the forehead, and inform me that I was his. All before I made it past the doorway. Simple, but it did help.
I would also sit at his feet for at least a few minutes after dinner, which was very helpful with my overall mindset.

I think that having simple little rituals to help one transition to the submissive mindset can be very helpful.

Anyone else have any ideas on this topic? It is something that I have always struggled with, and I am quite  interested in how other people manage these types of issues.


  1. I am a manager and while it was hard to switch back and forth between the mindsets, it has gotten easier with time. What I have found being so stressed and drained at the end of each day, that I look forward to dropping the "Dominant" in charge persona and just being who I am with my Sir. In the beginning, we also instituted some things to help aid my switch so to speak. We began meeting for lunch almost every chance we could get. We actually still do this. Every day, when I leave work, I call him from the car. This is a chance to vent whatever has happened at work and begin the process of letting it go so as to not spill over into the evening together. He also sometimes will have me complete "assignments" while i am at work (if possible and won't jeopardize my status of course). Just little things throughout the day that remind me that I belong to him. As soon as I get home, I start cooking dinner which for some reason always seems to help. By the time He gets home and I "greet" him, I am usually in the frame of mind I need to be. If not, it's time to break out a drink! LOL

  2. I'm not so much dominant at work as I am very independent. I don't need to boss other people, but I do need to lead and teach and mentor and interact with a lot of teams as an equal and or the expert/leader. Then when he travels I'm also in charge at home, although with my kids ages that's less bossing and forcing and more mentoring, if that makes sense. But I do have a terrible time switching to submissive still even now at times. I helps that he doesn't want me to go all the way to mindless following when he's there, but I still resent the change of power at times. He knows this well. It helps that he doesn't back down or change expectations, but that he does look at my days and outside demands as he makes his. The daily caning helps. The rituals I have to do when he's gone help. When he knows it's going to be particularly hard he ties a leather strap to my leg that I'm not allowed to remove. It's an effective reminder. And yea, I know it's against every D/s code, but sometimes a quiet time and a drink together makes all the difference.

  3. Great post lil! This is something I struggle with a lot. I work full time in a male dominated field, so I have to stand my ground and I have learned how to, but it just isn't me... unfortunately, it is what I am good at and where the money is right now. Master is a stay at home dad, so I usually have to snap back to submissive right when I get home... sounds like rituals may be the key...

  4. This is a great post and good question Lil. Switching back to submissive mode is so hard. Having rituals helps. Other ideas as a reminder of submission either while apart or while having to take on a dominant role are wearing a particular item of clothing or piece of yewellery chosen by him or doing small acts of service that can easily be fitted into your schedule.


    1. Roz, even after I wrote a comment suggesting I maybe didn't have any advice, I read your words and was instantly reminded of the very things you wrote as being part of my own FLM. My ritual of presenting myself to Mistress every morning while naked so she can decided what (if anything) I am to wear that day as a reminder of my submission to her, is a cherished moment. Of course, the things that she would have me wear offers a reminder (I hesitate to use the word reminder because I don't ever feel like I may forget my role) and is a source of comfort when I am not in the presence of my Mistress.

  5. I agree, this is a great post and topic. I can tell you that unequivocally that I have somehow been able to instantly snap into the submissive mode I need to be in when in the presence of Mistress K. either in person or at any given moment on the phone or via text. I don't know how that occurred and I don't know that I have any advice for other submissives that would otherwise need to do the same. I am a business owner, have 75 employees, all of which require that my dominant side be on at all times. I am a mentor to many of those people and work in an industry which also requires me to be tough and dominant. During my days, my Mistress will often have me wear things under my clothes or inside my bottom that provide a constant reminder of my role in my marriage with my Mistress Wife.

  6. I think a ritualistic thing helps. Sir used to have me sit quietly when I would come from work. Or spend a few minutes kneeling.

    I know other people have used a mantra and some quiet time meditating and/or saying the mantra. One girl I remember used to say the mantra in the car ride home.

    I find preparing and serving the dinner meal helps my headspace, but I don't have kids to think about now, which might change the feeling of cooking.

  7. Thanks to you all for your comments on this post.

    I'm having one of those days, and am just not gonna pull of responding individually, so, yea...Thank you for your thoughts and ideas!

  8. I can so relate to your words. Since I own a business and am a decision maker outside of home, it is awfully hard to just switch gears once I get home. Extremely hard! I hope you share any further strategies you learn that are helpful. I am going to talk to my HoH about the ones you mentioned (coming home and sit at his feet).


Play nice.