Wednesday, September 3, 2014

That Damn Cup...

So, I have a question which I have been kind of dragging my heels on. Mostly because it inspires the contradictory whiner in me, and I haven't exactly lived up to prime standards in this area.

Let's get this over with, shall we?

mc kitten asked, "Dare I bring up the subject of the cup again?! Just wondered if you had to keep pissing in it while you were apart, and if not, if you've had to start doing it again and how you feel about it all..."

The cup...The damn stupid, hated cup...

I did not have to keep peeing in it while we were apart. It would have been rather impractical, and he tends to like to watch, so...

Um, truthfully I haven't peed in that damn cup since before our time apart. At first, I was super happy about it because, yea--the cup is stupid and I hate it.
Then it appeared that he had just kind of...Forgotten.
Meaning that he didn't really care about the hoops that he made me jump through, or if I did as he wanted, or, or (yea yea, I know--I already admitted that this topic was going to bring out the contradictory whiner in me).

He did mention it in passing the other day, but didn't seem to really care about it one way or another so, like any bad good slave, I went on as if I have poor hearing--in other words, I didn't start using it again.

Yea, I hate the cup. At this point though, I hate more that he doesn't make me use it anymore.

While I'm on the subject of hating things, I realize that my approach to this is...Totally lame Less than ideal. To put it nicely. Actually, it kind of highlights a reoccurring problem with me--feeling like he has to/should enforce what he wants, as opposed to knowing it and just doing it without that enforcement.

*Sigh* What can I say? I'm  work in progress. And apparently, progress is painfully slow. So yea, this shines a nice bright light on one of those aspects of submission in which I seem to continue falling flat on my face.


18 comments:

  1. I can't even imagine doing this, even in the doctor's office, I use the cap, not the cup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sunnygirl,
      I've only ever been given a cup...I'm starting to feel like the cards have been stacked against me!

      Delete
  2. I can't tell you how much I could have written this same entry- minus the cup- but with all the same everything else.

    Ugh. But why is it that we end up feeling like we've failed and they don't? Why *don't* they need to enforce what they want?

    Bah.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe they just don't want it that bad anymore, that particular action/ritual has grown old, or they are thinking of new things, or....? I don't know. I haven't been let slack off on too many things, but I don't have to do anything like pee in a cup. The times I um slacked off or neglected our ritual that I'm responsible for I got corrected. Then he told me he never really realized how much he liked it until I didn't do it quite right the last time (I was reading my book! BOOK).

      Delete
    2. kaya,
      ya know, it hardly seems fair (a concept I've been told to ditch but hey, a girl can grasp at her delusions, right?)

      In the beginning his lack of need for enforcing convinced me he was doing it wrong. Now here I am, convinced I'm doing it wrong because he doesn't have that need!!

      You should totally figure it out for us. I'll sit front and center for the class.

      Delete
    3. ksst,
      OMG, did you have to say "Book"??? I'm slacking on my punishment book too...

      Though, on the general subject of books, I feel like I should totally be allowed to have messing with my reading as a hard limit. Unreasonable man....

      Delete
  3. I really wish I could say I was better than you because I don't have this problem.

    But it is his control I like so it kinda makes sense...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Misty,
      I'm having one of those days where nothing makes sense...

      Delete
  4. Master has given me things to do and then goes about not "enforcing" it. At least, at times I feel that way. You just gave me a topic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His slut,
      I'll be interested to read what you come up with!

      Delete
  5. Ah yes ... not wanting to have to do something yet wanting him to enforce it. It s mind fuck isn't it? LoL.

    Maybe we shouldn't want or 'need' the enforcement, but I think we do because it lets us know that it IS important to him, it is something he cares about. Especially if it's something we don't like or particularly want to do.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roz,
      it really is! And it's the kind I seem to struggle most with too.

      Exactly! And it's always more difficult when we don't really want to do it in the first place...

      Delete
  6. Lil,

    I'm very much into anticipatory service but even so, the whole doing things before being asked or ordered is a tricky one...for me, I struggle with the timing of it more than the actual doing of it.
    But in this case, it I think it would be kind of hard to do on your own or without being asked, considering how much it seems to depend on participation from him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bleuame,
      timing is an art form of its own, isn't it?

      The more participation from him, the more difficult to do it without his interest. Or me perceiving his interest anyways....Not sure I'm really making a whole lot of sense!

      Delete
  7. 'Yea, I hate the cup. At this point though, I hate more that he doesn't make me use it anymore.'

    oh I TOTALLY get this. i tie myself up in knots over this kind of thing on a regular basis!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mc kitten,
      Odd how that works, isn't it? Adds quite a lot of confusion to my already somewhat addled brain!

      Delete
  8. You and that stupid cup!! Because of that stupid cup, I think about you FAR too often when I'm peeing in the morning. Now don't you feel special? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah,
      lmao! Oh now I don't think I'm special--now I know it's so!

      Delete

Play nice.