What I Think I am is of Little Consequence...

We talked...A little. Because yea--as malfunctioning as my brain-to-mouth filter often shows itself to be, all communicative functions seem to seize up like the computer blue screen of death when it comes to these kinds of conversations.

I'm covered in permanent marker. Among the variations of "Mine" is "Deal with it". Okay then.

Apparently, what I think I am, (or am not) is of little consequence because I am as he defines me.

I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments on my last post--I will try to respond to them all. At some point...

There is an ebb and flow to everything in life, and D/s is no exception to that rule. For us, the flow quite often outweighs the ebb, and our "Down times" are usually much shorter than our recent experience has been. Of course, the recent track our lives have taken is new to us as well. This has made it much more difficult for me to reason my way through, and apply the rules of logic with which I am in a semi-constant state of war anyways.

On one hand, every relationship is a two-way street. One the other hand, the parameters of our relationship dictate that those streets are not equal, nor are they necessarily even running in the same direction. Or, to put it in a way that might actually make sense, it doesn't really work both ways. So, while we do both have our shoes to fill, our responsibilities are not the same, our desires are not equal, and what we expect to get out of our interactions can sometimes differ rather vastly.

As difficult as it may be to accept at times, ttwd is not about my expectations or what I hope to get out of it. It's not about what I think I am, or what I think he should be.

I have always felt very strongly that the approach of needing him to "Work for it" was not how I wanted to be as a submissive. Submission/slavery is not a conditional concept for us. This is not a "I will submit if you do xyz" arrangement. In other words, it's his way all the way, regardless of the direction--if it's no play and checking the mail before making cookies at 10:00 at night, then that is what M/s is for us.
That said, to function at my best as his slave, I do need some reinforcement from him; however, regardless of my level of functioning, I am his property and always will be

He says that we will always be some form of this, that I cannot simply decide what I am or am not--because there's no changing what I am at the core of my being, or what we are at the root of our relationship.

These mountains bumps in the road, while they may lead to the occasional identity crisis on my part, by no means signal the end of our arrangement. We are an M/s couple, and will always live D/s in one form or another. It is how we are wired, and how our relationship functions best. Even when our arrangement wobbles, it will still remain.