I have decided that relationships become their own entity. Him + me = us + relationship. There should probably be some x and y's in there somewhere...But I'm running out of fingers to count on, so there you have it.
The thing is, a relationship takes on a life and evolutionary process of it's own. While we make it possible, and are integrally entwined, the relationship still has its own characteristics somewhat independent of us as individuals.
Sometimes we like the entity we created. Other times, not so much.
I think that is one of the reasons that neglect (or at least feeling neglected), is so universally bad for relationships--they need food, water, and nurturing. Just like the people who inhabit them.
In a way, relationships are very much like homes. They are structured differently out of the same basic kind of materials. But it's the people who live in inside that makes them more than just houses.
Or one could say that relationships are really like gardens, and without food, water and attention, they die. It doesn't matter how much you put into the dirt, how carefully you cultivate your seedlings, or how strong your fence is, if one day you just quit taking care of it.
The weeds take over, your precious seedlings turn into compost, and all your hard work melts back into the ground.
So you have to care for it throughout it's life.
I am apparently getting terribly sidetracked by my mood...
Where was I originally going with this?
Oh, right--relationships as their own entity.
I believe that is one of the reasons they can be so friggin complicated--we think of relationships as being two individuals. And we forget that it's not just us as separate entities that come together. It is also about the entity we create when we do so.
Much like ourselves, relationships change and evolve as they grow. So we tend to them as best we can, and hope they grow on a path that we are happy to follow.