Thursday, July 26, 2012

An Entity of its Own

I have decided that relationships become their own entity. Him + me = us + relationship. There should probably be some x and y's in there somewhere...But I'm running out of fingers to count on, so there you have it.

The thing is, a relationship takes on a life and evolutionary process of it's own. While we make it possible, and are integrally entwined, the relationship still has its own characteristics somewhat independent of us as individuals.

Sometimes we like the entity we created. Other times, not so much.

I think that is one of the reasons that neglect (or at least feeling neglected), is so universally bad for relationships--they need food, water, and nurturing. Just like the people who inhabit them.

In a way, relationships are very much like homes. They are structured differently out of the same basic kind of materials. But it's the people who live in inside that makes them more than just houses.

Or one could say that relationships are really like gardens, and without food, water and attention, they die. It doesn't matter how much you put into the dirt, how carefully you cultivate your seedlings, or how strong your fence is, if one day you just quit taking care of it.
The weeds take over, your precious seedlings turn into compost, and all your hard work melts back into the ground.
So you have to care for  it throughout it's life.

I am apparently getting terribly sidetracked by my mood...

Where was I originally going with this?

Oh, right--relationships as their own entity.

I believe that is one of the reasons they can be so friggin complicated--we think of relationships as being two individuals. And we forget that it's not just us as separate entities that come together. It is also about the entity we create when we do so.

Much like ourselves, relationships change and evolve as they grow. So we tend to them as best we can, and hope they grow on a path that we are happy to follow.

16 comments:

  1. Makes perfect sense lil

    Dee x

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  2. I liked this, its not a concept i have considered but it does make sense.
    x

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    1. tori,
      thank you. Another cleaning house from the drafts folder post.

      Delete
  3. I am with you too; a relationship can't really be one person. It takes at least two and they all need work (a bit of weeding, pruning and occasional fertilizer perhaps). xx

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    1. Joolz,
      Fertilizer--a necessity. Maybe that's why the shit tends to hit the fan...Sorry, I'm being a smart ass. I couldn't help it lol.

      But they really do take work. More than one kind to be sure.

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  4. And because all the Him's and Me's on the left hand side of your equation are different, all the resulting Relationships at the right hand side are different. Then complicate things by recognizing that both right hand side terms are changing over time.
    A simple equation, but with endless variations in the outcome.

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    Replies
    1. Bas,
      You caught the part where I ran out of fingers to count on right?
      I got it though! Always had a problem striving for great grades...

      Delete
  5. I think too often people want to see a relationship as a tree - you set it off, prune it properly to begin with, and it then just sort of grows big and takes care of itself.

    But it's much much more like, as you say, a garden - you can leave it be for a day or two, but you'd better check on it and give it some care after that.

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    Replies
    1. Conina,
      Pruning sounds painful--like something you do when you need to get rid of things. It does sound convenient, but also not too realistic.
      An a day or two is exactly right! After about two days without some care I start to wilt. Then I take a dive and need regular and gentle watering to bring me back lol.

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  6. Sounds about right - but I don't want to think too hard right now. LOL

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    1. sunnygirl,
      As you can see, I have been thinking far too hard lately lol.

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  7. You are so right and there can be so many other variables based on the individual needs of each in the relationship at the same, and different times. For some daily desires and approaches to reading 'love' make having a relationship a truly wonderful accomplishment!
    Sometimes a little work goes a long way!

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    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      I was never very good with variables lol. That actually explains a lot...
      And a little work really can go a long way.

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  8. This is so true! I love it. Thank you for cleaning it out of your drafts. :)

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    1. Kitty,
      Thank you. Glad you liked it!

      Delete

Play nice.