Thursday, July 19, 2012

Definitions of the Mind

My physical issues are by no means a huge deal. But they do have a pretty big impact on my life when they decide to act up. Which makes many of those rough physical moments I adore so much simply not possible. But it also makes me think more about those other aspects that I adore.
The aspects that are not ruled by the physical.

Because it is not the physical acts that define our D/s. It is our minds.

His mind defines where our limits are, how far we will go, what we will physically do.
My mind defines how I will submit and how I feel afterwards.
And the process of redefining ourselves, while effected greatly by the physical, is something that happens mostly in our minds.

Physical bodies, even though they do not always do as we want them to, are fairly easy to control. Especially for a man who sees the world from a much taller perspective than the woman he is Dominating.

But often, as we go exploring, I think we realize that isn't enough.
Because there is always a chance of ending up in a situation where outside forces control our physical reality.
What goes on in our minds though? That is quite often about the choices we make in perception.

Free will is the one thing we all have in common, and our physical choices can be limited--but how we choose to deal with those limitations and what we do along the way are what define us.

Control is often expressed through physical acts. But it doesn't take place in the actions themselves.
True control comes from, and occurs in, the mind. And it is quite possible to control a persons physical actions without exerting physical control to do so.

Someone can Dominate all day long. But the one submitting will never actually belong to them if their mind isn't in it.

In a previous post, I said that mental vulnerability was a bit like being tied to the bed naked and blindfolded, only better because it's all in your head.
And I think that is where control and trust really come into play.

It's easy to let someone tie you to the bed and flog you to their hearts content. It's not as easy to let them so far into your mind that the physical circumstances can become irrelevant.

Physical vulnerability can be awesome.
Mental vulnerability brings a certain closeness that transcends one's physical state. Because really, can you get any closer to someone than being inside their head?


  1. This post spoke to me tremendously. I started out wanting the physical and quickly realized that was great but the mental control was really what I needed more than anything else. That can be hard to achieve and we work on that on a daily comes the rituals and humiliation, while hard to accept when you are so new it keeps me where we both want me to be. It's quite nice once you get past being scared of it.

    1. dancingbarez,
      I think that focus often shifts like that as time goes by. And truthfully, I'm not sure how long one could expect a D/s relationship to last without the mental aspects.
      And is it really a D/s relationship if it's all physical, or would that be a just for fun thing...Now I have confused myself lol.

      It's hard to get past being scared of it isn't it? But oh so worth it!

  2. I agree - mental is as close as you can get.

    Are you longing for cooler weather - you went from spring to winter -skipped fall altogether. LOL

    1. sunnygirl,
      I think that it really is--because even during sex, your head can be somewhere else.

      Lol. That's pretty much what Alpha said. And you know, looking at it does make me feel slightly cooler...
      I know the black post background and white font is generally hated, but I couldn't help it--it's purty!

  3. I agree that is all in the mind!
    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!

    1. Minelle,
      I spent years thinking that there was something physically wrong with me because I didn't enjoy sex...Come to find out, it was all about my mind. It's a much bigger deal than many of us give it credit for.

      I actually rather love greeting new bloggers. Being the first commenter is awesome--though sunnygirl beat the rest of us to it, complete with rubbing it in lol.
      Enjoy blogging!

  4. Great post, thanks for making me think!

    1. reneerose,
      Thank you, and you are quite welcome.
      It's not often I am thanked for making someone think in the land of over thinking lol.


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